i am hungry, it's 1.20am as i type...

i'm tired, too, but i'm more hungry and bored than tired, so here's another entry. sigh.

i'm getting more random. just found a couple of nice game music (mega man x - i used to play it!)

just talked with a friend (chatted, rather, on MSN), talked about a couple of random topics haha, like her pasttime whenever she's bored (webcrawling for images of food!), what i look for in future partners, my 2 odd dreams about someone (must be incited by a certain person who repeatedly said certain things everyday last year until i started to believe in it HEH!), being innocent again, touching briefly about gaining and losing contact with people etc.

wah random right?? all pretty interesting convo topics though... oh ya i vaguely remember doing something or recalling something particularly himbo today when i was swimming. hm...

i want to complain about youtube.com and blogger.com!!! i can't watch any video beyond 6 secs on youtube! it just stops loading! and blogger! it almost never accepts any posts i type on its interface, lost connection or whatnot! it's the reason for all the weird formatting problems on my blog, because i'm using (trusty) gmail to do all the posting! all my comp's fault la! :@ hope this comp's CPU suffers a hard knock from a sledgehammer, followed by an implosion in its motherboard, releasing enough energy to melt it down to a pile of (evantually) hardened molten goo... oh did you know glass is actually supercooled liquid??

***again, before reading on, please keep in mind that whatever i write is just general observations, i'm not arrowing anyone!***

oh yes, a topic my friend and i talked about was on being nice/not nice to others... realise that as you grow (from a kid to a teen and as a young adult), you increasingly dismiss the things other people say or do by simply ignoring them? for instance, i say something silly or obvious to someone, a kid will react to it in a nice way, a teenager may sneer, a young adult (17 years and above?) will just ignore.

it's pretty rampant, this ignoring thing :( even i have started to do it since last year. maybe that's how i could befriend all sorts of people last time, even if they're to be just acquaintances. even the outcastes, you know? just listen to what they have to say, listen thoroughly without interjecting, smile and make some noise like "uh huh" or "yea..." so that they know you're still listening... of course then i was sincere enough. never thought about how this "retarded guy is wasting my time. does he know he's talking crap?" even when they show me stuff they like (i realise that i share few interests with other people, ok i meant i may not totally like what they're showing me) i still have a look at things, examine them, ask them something about the stuff. you know, it's really not nice being ignored.

but apparently i've forgotten all that. no wait, save for the parts when they talk a lot about what they like and all that... i still do listen and check out the stuff, and i think i've improved in asking more interesting questions about their favourite stuff... however, i've begun to ignore certain things people say, even if they have friendly intentions. simple things like replying to sms-es (i used to ALWAYS be the last person to send an sms), chatting with people on MSN (i used to ALWAYS make some comment to show i'm still alive, like "haha" or "mmhm", which frequently gets misinterpreted as disapproval, but that's besides the point).

i suppose we're all getting too troubled with our own things, we go into self-preservation mode and hence, ignore or become cynical or snide towards others. after all, do you like to get disturbed when you're busy doing something? often we forget to look at the other person's perspective... not just "oh he wouldn't feel nice about being ignored" but also, WHY is he/she trying to interact with you? perhaps he/she is lonely and needs company. when we think of that perhaps we'll be nicer to the poor, pitiful person. aren't we all needing some concern? and i'm not even talking about sacrificing things for other people here, just talking about allowing some time and lending a ear and perhaps a heart.

i do, somewhat, believe that what you give you'll be able to take back in return. no, i'm not nice just because i want to gain something in return. but, perhaps, if you want to be remembered by others you ought to remember them first... although i don't talk to this certain guy much, he shared with me some of his interests back in secondary school, interests which most teenagers don't share and probably look down upon, too (perhaps you can guess what it is) i was friendly with him, and he remembered me! when i was at somerset mrt waiting for some other people he happened to pass by, no, rather, he was around 4-5 metres away from me, and he saw me from that distance and said "hey, is that clifford?" i turned around and said "hi" to him... :)

will your ex-classmates remember you? or have the guts to shout "hi" to you from a distance? sigh. please, all of you, promise me not to "dao" me when i shout your name from across the street and wave to you, ok? just a little (selfish) request from me.

buddhist monks are really, really much less troubled than me haha. no emotional attachment to anything, yea...

FREAK. i haven't gotten my specs done yet! can a new pair of black army-type specs, together with the lens, be done before friday? i cannot depend on anyone else to get things done. argh, i'm an adult. a freaking lazy and unmotivated one.