reminder to self. wake up call!

don't get complacent! DL was last sem, everyone's now on level ground again!

don't believe what everyone says, about being DL, about having a high enough cap to relax now!

i suppose i've less time for studio now because of the songwriting thing and the writing module.

but, still!

clifford, buck up!

***

omg, there isn't ONE day that passes without the mention of DL.

>.<

not to mention, i think my crit didn't go very well. i'm to blame.

very stressful, if you care about your rep. so that's what it's really like over here. you get that feeling those just slightly under can't wait to move up. yea, the competitive-ness can get unhealthy, but isn't that what spurs (ethnically) east asians to do their best!

ok, from today onwards, i will go full throttle on writing and design!

the first month of 2010: bleak realisation

seriously, all of my module lecturers/tutors are awesome! am so happy about that.

BUT, am unhappy about: workload. and myself.

maybe it's just myself. not able to handle things critically anymore. i think way back in 2008-9 i slowly gave in to the easy way out of life, to un-critically let things pass through, to not care or emphatise about things. sure, it has made my emotional well-being better, not introspecting myself and conclude invariably that i'm a failure.

[EDIT:] 4 years (2005-2008) of steadfast friendships gone rocky and fallen apart (how true were those friendships, or, more correctly, how willing were we to keep it going) have hardened me, i suppose. i realise, now, that many people have a few very close friends whom they can share anything with. i used to have those kind of friends. just one at any period of time. but they make all the difference. now, i don't have an affinity to anyone at all. there's nothing much close to heart any of my friends and i discuss, right now. like, i'm very sociable with lots of my course mates - we have lots of fun and laughter and all - but i don't feel an attraction to any of them as chummy friends or anything of the sort.

(in that respect i miss my jc days, when it's so easy to htht.)

[ed: added these in after reading a used-to-be-close friend's recent blog posts. i really do hope he's coping with his loss better, soon.]

[end of edit]

add that to my (now WRONG) realisation/conclusion that my mind should drift like deadwood so that i won't have emotional swings. my experiences and, more significantly, what i drew from them made me impervious to reflective thinking. but, i need those reflection skills BADLY. especially because design is starting to get more critical and realistic, plus i have the writing module (OMG I'M NOT CATCHING UP WITH THE CLASS AT ALL. PANICS.)

on the other hand, i'm really so glad i'm in usp. everyone there is seriously intelligent, more intelligent than me, i think. contrasts quite a bit with the average nus student (may i assume my course mates to represent the average.)

and, as my tutor says, the cutoff grades for admission to my faculty/school is now lower than for fass (the fabled 'dumping ground' for students who can't make it into any other course in nus, which now i think is SO UNTRUE. it is quite competitive, really). the real dumping ground is ...!

(can't wait for exchange, in that respect)

but, i suppose it's due to two factors. one, the usual straight-A dude/dudette would study med/law/acct/biz/engine/econs. two, the straight-A dude may not be visually/artistically inclined, being the textbook mugger he is (stereotyped, i know).

i wonder if i'm good enough to handle it, though. sigh.

OK BACK TO DRAFTING A 1000-WORD PAPER IN ONE NIGHT. OMG. hating this.

TOP 30 SEMI-FINALISTS

'BRAND NEW DAY' IS NOW TOP 30! :D

please continue to vote for the song, thank you!

cliff

YOG songwriting competition - please support =)

my friends and i have composed and arranged two songs as competition entries for the inaugural 2010 Youth Olympic Games :D

they're pretty good tunes (being as objective as possible) and yea, please support us!

especially when quite a lot of the other songs submitted are not up to scratch. like, boring run-of-the-mill mandopop-esque or nursery rhyme melodies that don't fit the words.

vote for 'brand new day' by milieu therapy (you have to ctrl+f to find it) and 'song for a champion' by archidudes!

very simple, just go to this website and vote!

http://singsingapore2010.nyc.sg/

thank you!

*just a quick explanation of the songs:

'brand new day' was conceptualised with the idea of having an ndp-like song. imagine stefanie sun singing at the national stadium, replete with pyrotechnics and dancing. and, the mv will have images of a clear blue sky and a nice large green field (marina barrage?) with nice sunlight, and youths running about and all.

the lyrics talk about one's dream actually coming true. and that one will 'shine in [one's] own way' in the heat of the competition. lots of positivity radiating from the song.

i also tried to break out from the usual, overused intro-verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorusx2 that are 8 bars long for each part. i abridged the 2nd verse (since 2nd verses are usually quite boring) to introduce momentum. i used an uncommon chord throughout the song as well (to colour the song in a more vibrant and compelling shade).

'song for a champion' is a laid-back, heartfelt conversational song that climaxes towards the end. it's soft rock in style, very accessible. the lyrics are simple and meaningful as well. it's about a fellow sportsman-friend who who never fails to help whenever one's in need.

the song is masterfully recorded and produced by a mutual friend :) very clean and professional indie kind of sound.

the lyrics are brought out by the melody with undulations with note value to emphasise important words. such as the keywords 'look' and 'see' in the opening lines.

and, the song's easily reproducible live. possibly a very good thing for stage performances!

sem 2

i don't know why, i feel extremely stressed now (and school barely started.)

i think it's the song composition contest thingy that's stressing me so much. oh man.

i will be upset if the song doesn't make it through to the semis or finals. geez.

but school's quite fine so far. am looking forward to design/climate responsive. i have good tutors, yay.

not sure how i am going to squeeze in time for all these, i think somehow everything unravels themselves and everything will be fine, i am telling myself that now.

OK. BACK TO GARAGEBAND x_x

book reviews (3)

i had already read two caravans (or strawberry fields in usa/canada) by the same author prior to this.

both books are social/political commentaries about the author's home country, i guess. the social contexts depicted in both novels are similar: the protagonist is a ukrainian emigrant who lands up in uk, and grapples with, amongst other things, ideological and lifestyle differences with her counterparts who emigrated from the less developed/communistic side of ukraine.

the design of the books are amusingly soviet(?) in style: colours, graphics, alignment(??)

well, i mean, isn't the book cover important. as shallow as it sounds, things like that gives some indication of the substance within.

fluffy things aside, i guess lewycka's style is decidedly 'non-western' (if that is to mean, mainstream american or british) and is flavoured with eastern european. it's exotic, unrestrained, introspective, and real.

very often, the protagonist, nadezhda, would pepper the narrative with side, non-sequitur thoughts, which gives the narration appear more intelligent and thoughtful, or at least display awareness of the self.

what i found not very appealing, though, is the bits of ukrainian tractor history thrown in at various points throughout the novel. i felt it was really hard to draw parallels between the history extract and the happenings in the novel, in spite of the extract being opinionated, something about the author's views about capitalism, technology and the ukrainian government. i'm sure there is a purpose to the (boring) passages, though.

the characters, more often the antagonists, are caricatured. like, valentina is made out to be a fat voluptuous pink fluff ball with too much make up who tries to squander nadezhda's silly dad of all his money. which is similar to vulk from two caravans.

i felt that the novel did not reach a real climax, maybe not in the hollywood (heart-stopping) sense. somehow the conflicts introduced early on in the novel were sorted out gradually. like how nadezhda's dad finally sought for divorce from valentina, and how nadezhda patched up with her sister.

oh, come to think of it, the recollection of vera's childhood as told by nadezhda is memorable and poignant. it's probably the only serious long stretch of prose in the book, and it shed light about the then present, about why the sisters behave as such.

overall, i think the narration style is pretty much the most exciting bit about this novel. unlike the usual(?) novel which tends to summarise the thoughts of the characters, the characters in this novel are kept realistic by the constant insertion of little antics and thoughts.

book reviews (2)

i read another novel, by judith mcnaught:

it's a slightly cliche-in-a-way sort of book, in the sense that the protagonists had a very typical protagonist kind of history. but it was a really really good read.

*spoiler alert*

but then again, it's cliche enough that you'd have a vague idea of the ending. (perfect, duh.) so go ahead and read on.

julie was a child delinquent turned perfect role model school teacher. as a kid, she was passed around different foster parents as she was too much to handle, but eventually succumbed to the love of a goody-two-shoes family who loved and trusted her so much, and she vowed to only do good, and good was all she was ever since. elementary school teacher, volunteer teacher to improve female literacy etc...

... whereas zachary was thrown out of his rich family for apparently being a criminal, but worked his way to fame and fortune, being a top-notch hollywood director. was an award-winning actor as well.

the descriptions of the two characters are so, uber, unreal, although actually possible. but, i mean, the chance that such a twisted plot could play out involving the two stereotyped characters is so rare, right. but, well, what's a story without characters with defined personalities and backgrounds. romance + action + melodrama + some comedy is always sweet.

the fun part about the book is the non-stop action between zachary and julie. how their hostility toward each other melted down into friendship and then hot passionate love. all through their intelligence (i like their quick-witted exchanges and actions). urm, yea. visual descriptions of the actions going on are always nice.

on a (not much) more analytical note, i guess the book touches upon the emotional torrent a kidnapped person would feel, and how s\he would actually feel attached to his/her kidnapper after a while (if the kidnapper has been adequately nice). i guess it's because the kidnapper might have shown some humane, vulnerable emotional side at a point in time (as in the case of zachary), and that s\he should have kept the kidnapped quite safe, in terms of (a warped sense of) security and hunger management.

but s\he kidnapped, after all! it's a crime, and would you surrender your kidnapper to the police, after s\he has taken care of you.

in a way, i think a good kidnapper is like a poisonous good friend, or good poisonous friend. the kind who has captivated you with his/her effervescent charm, but coerces you to do things you don't really want to do, or things that aren't very good.

oh, i forget. another theme, which is even more overriding than the kidnapping theme, is about trust. unwavering trust is the foremost, er, thing (?) you need in any relationship, friendship, kinship, romantic relationship etc. it's expressed by julie's final foster family, the mathisons, who loved and trusted their daughter so much, a simple affirmation by their daughter is all they need to hear to unconditionally believe (in) her.

trust in friendship, as expressed by zachary's best friend matthew farrell. farrell was absolutely sure zachary hadn't committed the crimes he was accused of, and went all out to help matthew escape and eventually be vindicated.

trust in relationship, as expressed by julie and zachary.

the lack thereof, as expressed by zachary's grandmother, who threw zachary out of the house for ever. hence, the deep hatred zachary felt.

i think, i dunno, at least in the asian context, trust within the family is rather hard to come by? at least in the traditional family, the parents will definitely believe whatever the teacher says (especially the bad?) about their child. i think/i heard the trend has changed to that of, the parents thinking they know better how to deal with their child than the teacher, and trust the child too much, to the extent the child feels empowered to go against the teacher, as his/her parents are sure to side with the child??

i guess, after comparisons with real-life situations, i've (only just) started to think about the cliche but ever relevant issues about trust. how many times have friendships failed because of a breach of trust. or, how much trust should you place in a person? the history and circumstances faced by the characters in the book makes it seem martyr-ish for anyone to trust them.

(maybe for too long i've made myself numb to emotions. ever since february-march this year. but it's a good thing overall for me, i'm not emo-ing during the school term. and i've finally learnt to relish free time without guilt.)

it's a really good thing i've learnt to make less fuss out of other people's shortcomings (generally). i get much less upset when people don't reply to sms-es, or forget to return things etc. you know, all the petty things.

***

on another note, i just read my previous posts. in the end, i didn't buy the green-black-white rj-esque windbreaker/jacket/whatever it is. it didn't feel like 'me' when i wore it. i felt as if i was trying to appear sporty and jock-ish (no relation to rjc or sportsmen) but was so obviously not. moreover, the insides are netting (the coarse kind, found in beachwear which you must wear underwear with else you'll feel uncomfortable).

in the end, i bought this maroon-coloured velvet sweater (very warm and fuzzy feeling on the inside!), which brings my total jacket/sweater collection to 5 (of which 2 are school sweaters, 1 is a -gasp- dad's hand-me-down and 1 is a uniqlo 'parka' which is NOTHING like a real, traditional parka.) as my friend encouraged/persuaded/reasoned for me, it's easy to match maroon, too!

BUT!!! i still have a lingering desire for the green-black-white. strange me. my friend who was with me that day immediately identified it, without prompts, as the 'rj sweater' lol. yea, maybe it is because of that. i don't know?

***

i'll aim to finish my last 2 book reviews before 2010. oh, i'm reading fountainhead by ayn rand right now. so far the beginning one-sixth or maybe one-eighth of the book has been a slight drawl, although intriguing. but, it's such a famous and successful book, i guess i'm scraping the surface of the novel and not digging deep enough to appreciate it.

i may be wrong, but howard roark's design style is based on objectivism, am i right?

hopefully i can finish reading the book before school starts.

OH. and i just splurged $60+ on books just now! on a book about product design, with a 50% discount. also, the tipping point, tuesdays with morrie and a detective novel (sorry for the apparent but not intentional diss) which i randomly selected because i would get one book free for every two bought.

i'm a spendthrift when it comes to books, but i'll reflect on that on this blog another time. need to sleep.

book reviews (1)

i'm so proud of myself!

in the short span of three-plus weeks, i've read three books :D

which is quite amazing for someone who had an irrational fear of books. that he'll get bored by page 5 but can't put down the book since he had started.

ok, i think it'll be a personal review of the books. i'm a bad lit student so i don't quite understand why the author wrote things in a certain way, i mean of course i know it's for a purpose, but the exact purpose and meaning i don't know.

anyway. book #1:



kafka on the shore by murakami. i'd rate it R(A), quite sexual at parts.

after some google-ing and wiki-ing, i found that the real-life kafka was a czech writer, who's quite famous for page-long sentences in german (grammatically possible) whose meanings are most impactful at the end. also has a surrealist slant to his writings, which is kind of what is discussed in kafka on the shore.

simply, the protagonist, kafka, is a very horny and athletic 15-year-old jap whose dad prophesied he would murder his own father, and then commit incest with his mom and sis (WHAT THE...)

kafka can't stand living with his dad, so one day he left home for ever. and a series of weird, surreal events occur. like, finding the clothes he's wearing soaked with blood all of a sudden, and meeting people in dreams etc.

on the other hand, nakata is a really dim old man but who could talk with cats, so he's a freelance cat finder. his job led him to kafka's dad, who turns out to be *censored spoiler*

blah blah blah, in the end, kafka had to go deep 'within the forest', in all meanings of the phrase, to overcome the prophecy and his mind.

*spoiler* in the end, the prophecy was kind of half-achieved. but to kafka, it was fully achieved, as many of the events only occurred in his imagination and dreams.

and from reviews i've read online, kafka on the shore is like a modern greek tragedy. the part about the prophecy being played out with the characters helpless to react or to change things.

hm, interesting.

but my personal take, urm. i really quite like the characters in the book, you could imagine them easily in an anime. i like kafka's qualities of being really independent and courageous. or maybe that's irrationality in disguise - no, he's really intelligent and takes calculated steps. plus, he's pretty fit too. sounds like an idealised teenager.

but, about the story line. i couldn't make heads or tails about some parts, especially towards the end where spirits meet and all the little lessons kafka learns on the way. it's like, "huh? isn't the whole point as simple as trying to purify the mind or something like that?" evidently, my mind is simple.

the book plays out, in some ways, like miyazaki's spirited away (is this connection too far-fetched?) the protagonists mature along the way, have to face hardships mostly by themselves, and steps back into the real world (in some ways) and continues to live life as normal.

maybe, from the logical/moral/ethical point of view, the book has raised a contentious point: that mere thoughts are as severe as committed actions.

*spoiler* his mere dream (naughty!) of sex with an older acquaintance which he regarded as his sister is deemed to be as serious as the real act.

oh, but, before that he had experienced real events that actually occurred within the mind, so i guess his dream could have been true. (thankfully it had not?)

are crimes committed in dreams really that serious?

if you, say, clubbed a guy in your dream, would you feel remorse after you woke up from the dream?

before i wrote the line above i hand wanted to say, yes, the thought is bad enough. but if you think, do you feel the same about petty crimes?

i guess it's a personal crime, to harbour evil thoughts. but at least no real harm's done, i guess?

***

ok, gotta go sleep. results appearing in 6 freaking hours time!

the opening is magical! but i think the bridge is quite over the top.

the guitar and the honest quality of the voice are so beautiful.

i like the way the tracks layer over each other to have the stereo effect.

and how the quality of the guitar lends itself so well to the overall sound.

HAPPY

the hard work is worth it!

i can finally say, i've not wasted my holidays at all!

this is probably the BEST school holiday i ever had so far.

awesomeness :D:D:D:D:D