i want a hiatus

1. just now my archi batch had a small mooncake festival party, and i tried to sing a duet for a performance.

it was BAD. partly because i'm still down with flu+phlegm so bad that on monday my my range was limited, from lowlowE to lowB (when i can usually reach a G above middleC on normal days). and mostly because i totally suck at singing SIGH. and guess what song i sang (haha). the same song i sang with another group of friends for a birthday party lol. still can screw up.

then, my ex-studio mate had his glorious 4 minutes of fame with his lovely guitar strumming and - i can't remember the song - singing.

i guess the average person can't sing nicely at all. but, i don't want to be just average.

i don't feel very achieving. in fact, very UNDER achieving.

i really think, if i were not under any social pressure to conform and live up to expectations, i would have enrolled in a music college/conservatory/even nafa or lasalle. definitely. not that i hate what i'm doing, but i guess music is my calling but it won't get me anywhere because i'm not talented or hardworking enough for it. i think (visual) design is pretty cool, hence where i am today. but!

to prove to myself i'm not so bad at this, i recorded my voice (singing) on the way home, and the moment i reached home, i turned on this computer and tried to improvise kelvin tan's i love you (which is a translated cover of ozaki yutaka's big hit in the 80s.).

how i wish i could post it up here, but sorry, QC failed.

a voice to kill is high on my covet list. and then, the ability to improvise (actually i could learn myself but i don't know where to start) and composing and arranging and producing. wow.

maybe i can do a postgraduate in music? :) but, is the late-20s too late to start a career in music? not classical music, by the way.

2. i suddenly have a cool idea! i want to go to hong kong for exchange!! the university there is quite good, and i can learn cantonese! (like, how would german be useful to me in my daily life, seriously.) okok, set. i will go learn cantonese during the holidays, at the cantonese clan in singapore (i forgot its name. but it isn't as famous as the hokkien huay kuan here).

3. i desperately need a book detailing how hayao miyazaki created his films. if you do have one, please let me know! it's for my report. (i think i'd better use another designer, for my 2nd choice, in the syllabus for research, to save studying time.)

4. i really don't like it that there is no feedback given about our progress [EDIT: not 'no feedback', but a sense of comparison - how each student's design stack up against each other, and like, if we are way offtrack from the intended learning outcome - OK that had been done before but we're usually confounded.]. this is after six weeks of school. i mean, i guess we can judge for ourselves what we are, but often times we need an objective third party to assess us. especially for art-based subjects. before my music teacher told me i had problems with phrasing and articulating the strong beats, i really had NO idea i was playing things wrong.

5. ok. must sleep. a lot of work that had better be done by the weekend, and -sigh- MUG.