a plunge into deep waters

i'm SO ENVIOUS of people who find themselves in the right company all the time. they've got great friends and cousins who share similar interests. like how guys always find football kakis to play with or a best friend to call at random times, and how girls just spend quality time with each other.

man, sometimes i feel so lonesome 'cause my network (of people i know) isn't very tight, or accessible. i really wish i have cousins of my age and who're living a life similar to mine, then there would be so much to do! or have a close relation with my sibling and have more siblings. so sweet to see some of my friends' families being rather close, especially between my friends and their brothers and sisters.

and then, when i see couples doing PDA, i want to be that guy snogging the girl (lol). they've found their happiness! so lucky of them.

all i want is a BFF (best friend forever). he/she will make my life a perpetual sunshiny day. but it's impossible to have a bff. for some reason, one day there'll be nothing left to be happy about having each other as a bff. it seriously sucks when your bff parts abruptly, when you never wanted it to. and it takes too long to get over an ex-bff. waaaah.

no, add 'a fantastic body' to my never-will-be-fulfilled-because-i'm-too-lazy wishlist. i watched part of the sex and the city movie, and WOW THE BRIEF SEX SCENES ARE HOT! how odd, that although having a totally taut and buffed body (probably) doesn't improve the physical pleasure by much - i mean, flabby people enjoy sex just as much right? - just imagining that you are "the ownage" boosts your libido quite a bit, uh huh.

oh, and yesterday i went swimming at 4pm (least packed time, since workers have yet to knock off). and to my amazement, some of the old fogeys are SO TONED AND BUFF and big in all the right areas. uh huh uh huh... if i'm as muscled as them when i'm their age i must say my life has been pretty good.

in other words, my attempt at having the simple, contented life is failing as of now :(

it's too irresistable to entertain depressing thoughts and not let go of them by looking at the bright sunny sky outside my window. i really love to enjoy the weather, but thinking about things are so much more indulge-worthy.

i do hope my sine-curve pattern of happiness and sadness is a phase of teenhood. else it'll be hard to be happy in the long term haha.