why, why.

why am i more passionate in slacking than pursuing anything. haha.

people my age, and whom i know, are already achieving big things - they're enrolled in top universities around the world, active in social causes, making waves in the arts scene and even appeared on tv programmes which featured themselves.

is it too late to start being spectacular? i remember being rather close friends with a classmate, now an up-and-coming composer. he was already composing piano pieces (and letting me hear them over the phone on many occasions) by the age of, i think 9 or 10. at that age i was still hooked on reading goosebumps and playing starcraft -______-

it's very hard to overcome the inertia before i can try to be awesome. i mean, there's so much pressure to produce something that can be considered 'wow' than if you are an eight-year-old. people are more forgiving if you're young.

depending on what it is to be achieved, i guess? corrinne may pursued her postgrad degree in composition after graduating from nus with a bachelors in english (with blessings from nac, how cool). many an american idol contestant finally realised their dreams at their late-20s. and if you're talking about being a great (office) worker, i guess that can be worked on with time.

it's partially an egoistic thing, i guess, to be great. to make people stare at awe, or to brighten someone's day. it's the feeling you get when you know you're not dispensable, that you matter to someone or some thing. that you're living a purposeful life.

why does knowing your self-worth make you happy? is it the knowing that you're somehow in control of your own life (and others) and thus your happiness? we are all despotic in some way, then.