thanks george, andrea, pei shan, senthil, dominic and yvonne for the CD! they (the gospellers) tout themselves as an a cappella group but i only hear 3 truly a cappella tracks on the CD - including the introduction and interlude -.- nonetheless, it's rather good ol' standard soul + RnB music (ken hirai?). liked their single 'Platinum Kiss', their only proper a cappella track on their latest album. although the music was of good quality, maybe a more varied lineup of songs would be sweller!
***
main reason why i want to blog now: just frustrated about my inevitable third phase in NS!!! although i have to rush tomorrow morning to make it to camp by 7am, my bags are still unpacked as of now.
why can't i get a stay-out vocation? why why why
ironically, reading the thread about how to downgrade PES in the Stomp! forum has made me feel better for a while. basically most people who advise either gave dumb advice "go fake mental illness! go get knocked down by a vehicle!" or something more reasonable. for example, one cited an incident whereby this guy who faked a mental illness could not gain a place in ANY university or college because of his track record of mental illnesses (btw the condition was reflected in his certificate of service in NS) :O holy moley. most agree it's totally stupid to injure yourself seriously enough to downgrade then live with your disability for the rest of your sad life (that i agree, of course)
therefore the best thing to do is to just carry on and do your best *sad smile* :) but hey, even the cloudiest day can clear before 5pm to reveal a beautiful sunset, like today. maybe i'll have a better life in NS eventually?
knowing that there's a good possibility i may fail the course doesn't help things, and then there's the overseas trip and millions of field camps and scaling high structures (and jumping off them, too) which are sure to cause damage to my body. argh, i don't want footrot or any infection or injury to any part of my body!
another (side) factor that is causing me stress is that i'm sure that my current abilities in the fields of aesthetics will land me in nowhere. e.g. i can't play scales or improvise on the keyboard properly, much less sight sing :O so no part time piano teacher for me when i finally ORD. or how i try to draw still life and it ends up disfigured :\ conclusion: i will be sad even after i ORD.
or maybe the cause of my troubles is that i'm staying at home doing nothing at all. it's IMMENSELY boring just idling around at home (no wonder i'm eating more), thinking of doing things but don't have the courage or perseverance to succeed in it (e.g. playing a performance-level jazz piano piece)
OR maybe listening to the same songs over again through the computer speakers adds to the monotony of my life (too lazy to rip my CD collection again after this computer had been reformatted).
now i wonder if i'm asking too much of myself or my life hm... i always asked my mom if she ever feels bored at home, and her reply is always 'no' :O she's unbelievable! i really don't think i can survive going through the same routine every other day...
if i had the freedom to do anything i want to do without regard to consequences, i would like to be in a mega mall chomping down food
i am a truly self-indulgent person, i realise :|
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