living life

i am fail

2010-12-29T01:44:00.000+08:00

how to demand responsibility and accountability from others?

2010-12-12T14:15:00.002+08:00

if everyone could automatically (zhi-dong in mandarin) play their part and not leave their unfinished bits hanging in limbo while they holiday or work, i would be enjoying my holidays a little more and not get too stressed.

hello world, i'm the only fool who's been coming to school almost every day despite that it's the holidays. fine, granted - i've been playing with whatever time i have at home as well. but being in school for ~10 hours on weekdays and ~6 on weekends is crazy. where's my holidays?

i realise i take a long while to recharge. i need to get SICK of the holidays before i can be enthusiastic about doing work. what that really means is, i'm not gonna survive sem 2 because i'm still doing work and not playing till i start longing for academic torture. that's why i always 'die' mentally in term 3 of secondary and jc, because i've not had a proper break (what's a 'break' when there's holiday work to do?).

i think there's a problem with how i communicate with other people. somehow, i just cannot command enough respect to make others compelled to do their work or just do what i say. i feel like shouting some people down sometimes, but i always remember that i gotta see them (at least until i leave school) and it's not too pleasant if you're on either end. i can't really handle conflict, i guess.

i must enforce a 2-week no telephone/facebook/hotmail period for myself and i shall do a staycation somewhere. singapore or jb?

2010-11-17T13:03:00.001+08:00

everything also don't know how to do... how...

must really be undergoing mental retardation, or i'm thinking too much

2010 is a bad year.

2010-11-14T23:38:00.002+08:00

granted, i got pretty far in that songwriting thing (collaboration with friends, i must qualify. not wholly my work alone), but academically i'm in a slump!

and i don't know why i'm so slow in doing anything. why do i procrastinate whenever it comes to creating something...

i could have finished all my panels in time, i realise, if i hadn't spent so much time on photoshopping the earlier panel(s). thank goodness i bothered to create 2 panels a week before. else i'd only have ONE.

should have just printed out the other panels on thursday and get it stamped as 'late'.

and my model making skills are so cui. take so long, so little done!? why, why (friend said it's because i measure everything from scratch instead of pasting the printed plan over the material and cut along the lines, but i'm sure even if i had done all that i'd take a long time still).

i don't feel like i'm intelligent anymore! then again, i never thought of myself as intelligent, really. at least not until certain times in jc (science classes), post-jc/army, and 2009. apart from those years, i've thought i was pretty dumb. and i'm beginning to think so right now.

rather, i think i'm reaching the horizontal asymptote in my learning curve, when many other people are still climbing up. that's scary, really. maybe i've been really great till i was 21. from here on maybe i'll get brain retardation (you can't fully stop nature, can you) and i start getting more Bs and Cs. and watch as people who didn't do as well in uniform (primary till pre-university) school soar in university and beyond.

i just need a BREAKTHROUGH. to clear my mental blocks i've set up. or, at the very least enjoy what i'm doing.

come to think of it, i NEVER ONCE hated music composition way back in jc, when i could spend whole afternoons sitting at the computer and only coming up with a few bars of music (looks like my low productivity problem has manifested since a long time ago). but i so enjoy listening to the funny sounds i made on sibelius, trying to twiddle with the rhythms, change pitch, add staccato and legato marks... and looking (listening, rather) back, i laugh at the lameness of some of the music.

i had told myself, when i chose my university course, i'd be able to find the true passion for it. like how i managed to survive pre-university music. i'm NOT saying i HATE my course or the discipline, but something i've been doing kills much of the fun.

you know, my attitude last year is different from what it is today. waaay back when i first started out i honestly thought i was better and was in a good placing to do well, even top (because of stupid things like which jc i was from, figuring out how many other people bettered my 'a' level results, figuring out that people aren't very good/critical thinkers from the way they speak etc.) and, you know what, i DID top the level once (1st place shared with at least 3-4 others).

but that' just ONCE, i thought. and so, the previous couple of months i told myself it's not possible to stay there forever, and that i'll drop down someday. and i really did fall (quite terribly, an overall 0.3 drop in CAP... that's 0.6 less in that sem compared with the previous sem).

not possible to hang on to the elusive 4.5.... i think i just hope i don't fall below a 4.0 and get a 2nd lower (sounds yucky right).

i like to believe the CAP is still important because if you can do well in design as well as the other modules, it shows you're really good in design (duh), but also, importantly (which so many people miss out), you're probably really intelligent and can THINK. i still don't understand why some people are enamoured with just pretty things. where's the practicality, the real issues? the philosophy, the ideologies? i had thought people in my course are supposed to be 'the s(m)exiest professionals' according to a global survey.

HAA, so not true.

and i'm afraid i'm now classified as mediocre/average.

(ok end of rant)

The Sunday before the Monday...

2010-10-24T19:53:00.008+08:00

I really dislike Sundays. For a normal school student it means going out, hanging out at favourite jaunts with friends, then cramming work (if you are diligent enough) in the evening and somehow manage to finish work by 11pm. At worst, you'll sleep at 12 midnight or maybe 1am. That's totally alright, because you'll just sleep through some classes and lectures, or get a good afternoon's rest after school on Monday.

For a university student, it's work work work on Sundays. I used to give tuition in the morning, sometimes even go out with friends in the afternoon. Now, even with all the extra time not doing much else but work, there's just not enough time? And, it's now normal that I get ~3 hours maximum of rest on Sunday night because I have to do work.

I blame most of it on my inefficiency. I just don't understand why I take so long to formulate things, from deciding what to write in an essay, to figuring out what needs to be in a community space for arts. And I get nowhere in my thought process until the very last moment when any time after that, I would have not enough time to finish what I had started.

As it seems, it looks like I have some idea how to do my work from the start, except that I'm always so hesitant to put the ideas down on pen and paper (or MS Word, or in cardboard and sections and plans). I really don't get how people manage to mitigate complicated relationships in any essay topic or design issue and come out with a workable solution so seemingly quick.

For example, my friend (let's just call him T). T is uber-efficient. T is super quick at doing all his renderings, his drawings, his essays. Well, it helps a lot that he's already proficient at drawing and anything Autodesk or Adobe (makes me wish I had gone against my teacher's wishes and took Art in secondary school. It has obviously helped in some ways - as much as people like to say an education in art doesn't do a lot, if at all, for an education in architecture).

Give me half his skills, man. Then I wouldn't be sleeping so late.

As much as I envy him for being such a work horse, I like to think that he is a no-lifer (don't worry, he's my friend and he's aware that I think this way and we are nice to each other). HAHA. I'm quite sure that he has a real life, like having friends and all that, but so many things he does seem to indicate otherwise. Watching lots of anime, being preoccupied with work to the extent that most of what he talks about in school (with others) is WORK. People know him for doing a lot of WORK. WORK is how he's defined. It seems he'll do any WORK he's given and he'll probably derive sick pleasure from doing WORK!

No, no, I'm not for not doing any work. It's just that he gives the impression that all he does is work or anime (so geeky, right). I know very well that I'm wrong. He somehow has time to gym!?

What I'm slightly unhappy about is his frequent lapses in sensibility. Like, slightly irrational thinking (manifested in daily things and in work, sometimes). But in the end, I guess he's still a happy man for finishing all his work on time (what you don't know won't hurt you, in that way)! And my worrying about this and that and how everything contradicts each other tends to stop me from finishing up my work fast.

In contrast with T, another of my friend, L, is a workhorse but he seems to be much more 'normal'. In the sense that he still works works works, but is shrewder in getting work done. (Maybe I value intelligence a lot.)

Okay, I'm also to blame myself for playing quite a bit this semester. However, I maintain that finishing that game is the better choice. From past experiences, I tend not to replay games. So, if I finish what I had started during the recess week (a very bad idea - I had bought the game for my brother, which he didn't play! A little reward for surviving six weeks of school turned out to be an addiction that's to last for another 5 weeks), I won't be playing the game anymore. Today, I finally managed to complete the game and vanquish those demons. I hope the demons in me go away too. Thinking about it, the amount of time spent playing is about as long as the amount of tuition I gave in the same period of time exactly last year. So, by right I can handle it, right?

You know, the problem with me is that deep down inside, my over-confident subconscious tells me I have more than enough time to do work. I have an uncanny ability to waste the maximum amount of time doing everything else before I actually focus and zip through the entire work (and that, as it seems from the assignment grades I got from last year, gives me a not-very-good-but-decent B+). It also appears that my strength lies in exam cramming. I somehow have been getting good results for any study-able module (I really hope that is sustained).

But things are going to get harder! HOW?

I need more external pressure. You know, just a few weeks ago for the first time ever I actually felt nervous before a crit? In fact, during the week(s) leading up to that crit the very thought of the word 'design' or 'studio' or 'tutor' (or whatever keywords there are related to what I'm doing) gives me palpitations? So obviously, my subconscious has some idea of what lies ahead if I don't put in effort for design. BUT, why am I not pressured to work fast? I just don't get it.

Also, also... hopefully my life in general gets better as soon as possible (probably in three weeks from now). Like, do some exercise, behave normally, sleep well.

There are many things I'm glad for this semester, though. Meeting many new friends (mostly seniors), getting to know some of my batch mates more. I hope I gain much from this semester academically, or achievements-wise as well...

[this post is going to be used as analysis fodder for a module i'm taking in school. lol i can't escape work, can i.]

strongly dislikes hypocrites

2010-08-10T01:42:00.002+08:00

at least when i get angry and scold people i NEVER make it personal. because i know what it feels like to receive personal hate.

can't believe that /it/ happened right there. and over such a trivial matter, too.

eventful day

2010-08-09T02:38:00.002+08:00

1. clean up of place... i'm so happy that there's quite a few people who're willing to sacrifice their precious time to help out, when so many other people aren't free/pretend to not be free :))

[hope that my crankiness isn't too overbearing on people today]

2. received my complimentary copies of the yog album!!!!!!!

when i first heard my song, played back from the cd on a school comp, i got really upset because the quality seemed inferior to the other songs on the album. but here i am on my macbook at home and i think it sounds pretty good :)

3. MY SONG WAS PLAYED IN PUBLIC, WOOHOO! friend was about to watch a movie at lido, and it was somehow broadcasted over there hehhheh...

end of a 2 month long hiatus from the blog.

2010-07-30T23:48:00.003+08:00

felt that i should write a post here. because i'm experiencing a lot of awesome things that even my heart - blanched, numbed and sterilised from the fairly recent past - can feel.

1. a senior and a friend whom i know is just, pure awesome T_T he could have very well been like my peers and lead a normal awesome life, but, no. i (stubbornly) refuse to believe in some things others say about him; without what he has done, some things would not be as good as it is now.

pondering about what he had said, i'm so glad i decided to join usp and not just stay in my home faculty. the people over there (usp) make my university life more complete (and hopefully the modules to come will be top-class, i'm pretty sure the usp ones will). although i complain to whoever asks me about going overseas, that i'm envious that so many peers are studying elsewhere, i'm actually - honestly - really contented with the opportunities nus has (didn't realise that i HAVE BEEN contented all this while till now; moaning about not having a scholarship/cash to be in uk or usa is probably just some stupid innate mecahnism in me that tries to explain away me being the anomaly within the alumnus of the 'ivy league gateway' college).

2. met up with a few old army friends. am very thankful and apologetic towards my oc, who just treated his past and present commanders under his charge to a dinner costing (or so i heard) a whopping FOUR DIGIT SUM!? omg. he's too nice in this aspect. i sincerely hope his future will be awesome for him. he's a fantastic person.

anyway, a friend whom i have not met for more than a year unexpectedly turned up. actually, i really hoped to keep our friendship tight, but he's been such a horrible hermit that i hardly got to chat with him during this one plus year, or my attempts on msn failed miserably. don't get me wrong, we get along together well. used to. and so, i actually decided he's not worth the upset feeling i go through whenever i try to message him and told myself to forget him. and so i did. and i didn't expect him to be so happy to see me this evening. or rather, i (ironically) didn't expect myself to be less ecstatic than would be expected if this chance meeting were to happen one plus years ago.

and, i dislike so much the amount of noise a bunch of NSmen/NSFs can generate, especially over lame conversations. anyhow, thankfully i was seated with people i am totally comfortable and familiar with. and i vaguely missed my bunk for a moment (omg) (then again, the bunk and the empty company line especially at night were really lovely places then, when the campus was still a dismembered arm of school one). at that point, i wished i was closer to a few of my friends i found in the army. thank you, to another friend whom i sat with today, for being so genuinely interested in what i've been up to. you're awesome..

3. omg about rag and o-week. this year's o-week is nothing short of WOW. the programme is seriously so good. the meet your major session, picnic, semi dress-up dinner with dining hall tables... OMG.

rag ah. oh please let it be good. thank you mr awesome for your provoking reflections, which i'm SO FREAKING SURE is the main cause of the spike in sign ups for manpower services.

4. brother just got conscripted and he's apparently having a destructive (i mean, negative) mindset in there. didn't get to send him off because i couldn't get out of o-week (ARGH).

and then, i read a forwarded email about how a junior got attacked by muggers and has some members amputated. and i think about my brother *SHUDDERS*. omg i hope he's alright.

closing remarks.

i've not been processing what's going through my mind for so long. i hope i'll grow stronger and re-visit my formerly introspective mind. realise that without that, i'm so lost for words whenever someone else asks me a question.

OK I'M DAMN TIRED NOW I JUST GOT BACK FROM CAMP/DINNER. night.

2010-06-09T01:43:00.002+08:00

the bridge got removed ):

it's mostly my brainchild... the modulation (it's in a third related key!!!), the variation of chord progressions, the melody... and the lyrics are nice too (admittedly i didn't write most of the lyrics)

it's ok, i'll get over this quite soon haha! not sad or upset or anything. just, slightly apprehensive about listening to the complete track without the bridge, and having no idea about how it'll sound like...

2010-06-03T23:28:00.001+08:00

came back from the recording session... sounds good so far :)

my little dream to be a musician has been re-ignited, again...

i really need to pia very hard on composing on the computer. i'm years behind time ):

travelling woes!! and more

2010-05-02T01:59:00.005+08:00

i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself

i stupidly booked a promotion flight on the 8th, and the exhibition date's on the 9th.

so, i gotta book a NEW flight because SQ is that firm about no refunds or upgrade of seats.

you know what? the most pissing thing is that the 2nd time i called SQ, the woman on the other side said i could UPGRADE THE TICKET IF I PAID $423. THEN, THE THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH TIMES I CALLED THE MAN ON THE OTHER SIDE ADAMANTLY SAID IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

apart from the fact that i'm about to lose $500 ($700 of total fees minus $200 of refundable airport taxes)... ok, fine, it's a promotion ticket and refunds aren't possible. or so the r&r says. then, why did the woman say otherwise? i told the 3rd/4th man (same) that the 2nd woman quoted the price, $423. then he claimed he 'checked with the woman' who served me and the woman said she never said that.

HA. saving their asses, right.

and, please get attendants with less accents and speak slower.

on the other hand, it's so hard to navigate around the other airline's website. i'm trying to book a cheap flight on the other airline now, i made a second stupid mistake of only booking a one-way ticket to shanghai when i should have just booked a two-way. didn't know about no-show policy. took me a GOOGLE SEARCH to find the customer service page so that i can call the singapore branch office tomorrow. fantastic.

i am an airplane ticket reservation noob.

add to the frustrations of portfolios, publication, ippt, and buying the expo entry ticket (which i'm still clueless about), i feel real murderous and want to take it out on somebody!!!

to do during the holidays: find a job.

***

the exhibition is taking a toll on my sanity!!!

can i just not do anything at all!? omg the supposed three month-long holiday is effectively only TWO months because of the portfolios and exhibition [which i'm not even excited about]!!!

it takes: at least 10 minutes to photoshop just ONE file, and i have hundreds to do!? 10-15 minutes is probably quite a bad estimate, for outrageously hard-to-photoshop photos (because i'm a photoshop noob) it takes a couple of tries to save the photo = more time.

why am i not enjoying myself now?? or am i over-worrying and complicating matters...

can i just quit school, now now now. go find a job, live day to day just working and relaxing. just escape!!

2010-04-27T02:03:00.002+08:00

found 2 more versions! an updated, contemporary one by lulu herself, and a cover... his deep voice is so good.

a favourite movie soundtrack

2010-04-27T01:54:00.001+08:00

one of my favourite mandarin evergreen songs...

2010-04-25T18:50:00.002+08:00

i love the chorus at 1'06"... beautiful melody and simple lyrics...

i don't totally get the verse though...

i somehow remember the english lyrics to the chorus, after all these years (probably around 15 years?)

this is not supposed to be artsy or lyric-sy

2010-04-20T18:49:00.004+08:00

(my thoughts appear in my head in phrases, like this)

people from my [edit: NS] past reappear

and i feel connected with them

wonder about what they went through

who they are now

the feeling is like sipping your drink while watching people walk by

from the comforts of a cafe

and you made it a point to dress nicely to meet a friend

if you're not too picky almost any acquaintance will do

if s\he has an interesting story to tell

or has a good presence

the feeling's quite fleety

comparing our lives with intertwining ribbons

they coiled, knotted, tangled, and along the way they separated

now we're touching each other

and we look back at the tangles and laugh about it

i've lost my tendency to make deep friendships

most friends come and go and i have accepted that

suddenly when an old acquaintance strikes a conversation and chord

you feel closer to him/her than when you knew him/her before

but nothing has changed

it's just that sharing each other's nostalgia and memories draws each other closer

as i slowly trudge through my life

i look back and see that i actually was floating through

floating alongside other people

people whose lives rub, knot, entangle with yours

and then someone lets go

that's how it is

so dumb to write about these at such a time. but maybe that's why i don't ask for much in people nowadays! [: everyone has a long life story of epic proportions behind them, as retarded or banal as they seem. the way they are now is a results of their epic story and maybe they're not always to blame for their slip-ups. so, i'll just give people the benefit of the doubt and...

there's a correlation between this and the kind of friends i have. is it...

... the more i expect of people, the more i interact with them, and the closer i get?

because, if i let people go, my imprint on other people's minds are less deep?

on a side note: i'm on the holding line for singapore airline customer service...

... for 31 minutes and counting >.> put my home phone to loudspeaker. would get cramps holding the receiver to the ear otherwise

wish

2010-04-18T22:30:00.002+08:00

getting a headache from worrying about everything...

things won't fall in place unless i take action...

but i'm not strong enough... ahhh...

2010-04-17T21:52:00.002+08:00

till now, i have not considered myself as a man...

... i still think i'm a boy!? 22 years old and still a boy.

i felt like a man for a good 18 hours, when i was left alone in a hotel in melaka. i was alone. i did whatever i liked in the hotel room, and went out to walk about at night. it felt so good. i felt so independent (never mind that the room was paid for, but, hey, i handled the check in-out myself ok), i felt so MAN! haha.

maybe i should move out of house. i'll grow up faster that way.

it's funny, that i look at celebs profiles and instinctively think they're older than me. hey, i'm as old as many of them now!!!

maybe it's the way i dress. the way i act and think, definitely.

ok back to work

guilt-filled weekend

2010-04-12T00:13:00.002+08:00

i confess to:

1. sleeping too much

2. PROCRASTINATING and not working on my essay (my CAP will suffer because of this)

3. not re-making my model fast enough for reeebaaa

4. watching too many snsd videos

5. overeating

everything an archi student shouldn't be doing during the sem!

and i shall increase my productivity from tomorrow!

this weekend really nua3 like mad. and i realise how emotionally strained i am, when i was close to (happy) tears while watching hairspray on tv just now (ok, 6th sin).

i thought that i was coping fine emotionally but i think maybe there's a welled up reservoir of frustrations deep inside me. it's like, occasionally you feel so stressed but you wonder, how come i'm not crying? if crying is a sign of weakness i say i'm really strong throughout my first year, so far.

and what's wrong with me. everyone's so busy with the exhibition and i'm over here in, well, not paradise but am on the way to it (ok, because i've not been called up to do anything yet - soon). i should be mugging my guts out for the exams because there's little time. i should be tearing my brains apart doing the freaking difficult essay (seriously) but, no, i'm too nua3 to do anything. ho ho ho.

for myself

2010-04-10T12:42:00.002+08:00

1. i rant too much on this blog. makes me sound as if i'm sixteen years old haha! it's rather sad i don't read much about current affairs, narcissistic(?) me.

2. this sem is screwed up, academically, for me

2010-04-04T17:32:00.002+08:00

i really like the chorus!

on a different note, i'm not liking that i'm a retard in writing essays. even a 1200-word assignment stumps me, much less a 2000-word one.

die already, CAP will die...

1st april 2010

2010-04-02T18:09:00.005+08:00

i finally have a not-much-of-a-break kind of break. tgi(g)f.

on thursday i had to leave school in the mid-afternoon, and then, i saw the freaking sky. it was clear blue, and i wish i could go to swim then. SIGH.

i think the main difference between jc and uni lives is that although both are really stressful, in uni the deadlines keep coming and you don't have time to time to emo, and then, suddenly the exams are over and you get a real holiday.

notes to self...
wct today, tomorrow design all-out, sunday wct and design. how formal should i wear for the final crit of the year?

this year's been just as crazy as last year. lotsa school work, the YOG competition, upcoming FOC preparations - will i have time for myself? i like to indulge in personal growth :x read 4 novels in 6 weeks of holiday, hope i've time to keep reading during the 3-month long break.

notes to self...
learn photoshop, autocad, rhino, 3dstudiomax? compose many songs - good or bad - to build stock library just in case. read lots of novels, current time news and architecture. if time permits, enrol in piano school.

a friend suggested (i think he said this on a whim) that i should just quit school and compose and sing. HAHA! I WISH I COULD DO THAT!! if only there would be growth opportunities (good salary raise) for that. who'd have the guts to quit school and have a normal, less worrysome life?

and then he mentioned rjc people have a tendency to buck against the norm (really?) e.g. kit chan, corrinne may, selena tan... haha. well, when i have kids i'll encourage them to do just that.

happier things (just for self to remember as the days go by):

kent ridge production - went there just to watch and support abovesaid friend who's the set designer (haha). the first half songs were good! i wish i could compose like that. (to self: make time for composing songs for future productions... hm, i don't know where to find that, though).

IMOGEN HEAP LIVE!!!!!! it was supposed to be a post-submission treat for me, but the ticket
was too costly($111!!) to throw away. and thankfully, i didn't forego my seat. she's so....

T_T

the picture above's the set design, taken with my lousy mobile phone. the recording below (here's a little treat) is also recorded with my phone. damn, should have brought along my camera in case. everyone was recording the show like no one's business - what happened to IP rights?

ah, her songs are so good! and she's a wonderful person, it seems, as well!

ok, back to work. very worried about my grades...

IDOL

2010-03-14T22:40:00.002+08:00

my conductor's autobiography's out! i pre-ordered some copies of it through a friend and pored through the book once i got my hands on it.

really admirable that he dared to go against the norm and pursue what he loves to do.

mr t0h, if you happen to see this (i think you probably would!) i think your life story's really amazing and i look up to you for overcoming all those obstacles and getting to where you are now. in fact, my dad's interested in reading your book when i waved my copy in front of him haha (partly because he likes reading about fellow countrymen, too.)

***

if interested, you can order a copy of the book here.

2010-03-13T09:26:00.003+08:00

MY TUITION KID IS 無藥可救！！！ don't know what to do with him. primary three and his comprehension is so poor, he's considered a retard.

this week

2010-02-22T21:47:00.001+08:00

i can't help but quite like my minus one track (lol)

i hope everyone would like it, too. i just need to touch up abit of stuff and i'm all set.

this week is gonna be extremely shiong, intensity same as 2 weeks ago :\ but i'll pull through... (hopefully my drawings aren't last minute again SIGH.)

2010-02-17T19:43:00.002+08:00

greetings from melaka, heh.

ok it's almost 8pm and i haven't had dinner yet!! am supposed to walk about jonker street.

ok time to rush rush. am SO EXCITED about tomorrow and the days after. touring melaka (romanticised yea yea) and having fun with friends...

on a rather happy note, i think i'm nearly or already done with the final version of my minus one track! :D

2010-02-14T11:39:00.002+08:00

back in malaysia for one entire week! 4 days of cny-ing and another 4 in melaka for a school field trip :D am really excited about the school trip.

random stuff:

had a sudden urge to play on my super old snes system when i reached jb O_o it took some time for the video to load properly - it was black and white and distorted for a while - but it finally got its act together and my brother and i played through a game. quite a few of the games i own are real gaming classics - super mario world, teenage mutant ninja turtles, mega man x, donkey kong country. (wistful smile) played by myself until 4am, when i decided i had to stop, shower and sleep a little before travelling. so fun, the little bits of nostalgia that hit you.

was slightly surprised my extended family waited for my family to arrive before starting to eat, and that was at 9pm!! geez >.<>fantastic jams! towards... malacca, and... ipoh? good grief.

and, i spent the first few hours of cny WITHOUT ELECTRICITY! so amusing! but very hot. the house is so badly designed, without fans there'd be no ventilation. had to light candles and place them around the rather large two-storey house.

ok, that's all for now. should start reading up now for holiday work T_T

oh, and htmail is like, down? this is terrible. maybe i should switch to gmil for ever.

2010-02-12T19:18:00.003+08:00

wow, haven't posted anything in two weeks!

so much has happened during this time, i'm so glad i survived it! new workshop, song competition, writing module essay... it's crazy...

quite happy that my design got all the way through, my song got to the finals, and i got B+ for my essay (i must admit it was badly written but i didn't have enough brainpower to improve it in a few hours). not bad for last minute rushing (:

ok, now i gotta rush to pack up my stuff. back to m'sia for a WHOLE WEEK. am so excited to stay in malacca with friends (albeit for school field trip)

random thought: if i could eke a decent living as a songwriter/arranger/producer, i would...

reminder to self. wake up call!

2010-01-28T00:21:00.003+08:00

don't get complacent! DL was last sem, everyone's now on level ground again!

don't believe what everyone says, about being DL, about having a high enough cap to relax now!

i suppose i've less time for studio now because of the songwriting thing and the writing module.

but, still!

clifford, buck up!

***

omg, there isn't ONE day that passes without the mention of DL.

>.<

not to mention, i think my crit didn't go very well. i'm to blame.

very stressful, if you care about your rep. so that's what it's really like over here. you get that feeling those just slightly under can't wait to move up. yea, the competitive-ness can get unhealthy, but isn't that what spurs (ethnically) east asians to do their best!

ok, from today onwards, i will go full throttle on writing and design!

the first month of 2010: bleak realisation

2010-01-26T22:04:00.005+08:00

seriously, all of my module lecturers/tutors are awesome! am so happy about that.

BUT, am unhappy about: workload. and myself.

maybe it's just myself. not able to handle things critically anymore. i think way back in 2008-9 i slowly gave in to the easy way out of life, to un-critically let things pass through, to not care or emphatise about things. sure, it has made my emotional well-being better, not introspecting myself and conclude invariably that i'm a failure.

[EDIT:] 4 years (2005-2008) of steadfast friendships gone rocky and fallen apart (how true were those friendships, or, more correctly, how willing were we to keep it going) have hardened me, i suppose. i realise, now, that many people have a few very close friends whom they can share anything with. i used to have those kind of friends. just one at any period of time. but they make all the difference. now, i don't have an affinity to anyone at all. there's nothing much close to heart any of my friends and i discuss, right now. like, i'm very sociable with lots of my course mates - we have lots of fun and laughter and all - but i don't feel an attraction to any of them as chummy friends or anything of the sort.

(in that respect i miss my jc days, when it's so easy to htht.)

[ed: added these in after reading a used-to-be-close friend's recent blog posts. i really do hope he's coping with his loss better, soon.]

[end of edit]

add that to my (now WRONG) realisation/conclusion that my mind should drift like deadwood so that i won't have emotional swings. my experiences and, more significantly, what i drew from them made me impervious to reflective thinking. but, i need those reflection skills BADLY. especially because design is starting to get more critical and realistic, plus i have the writing module (OMG I'M NOT CATCHING UP WITH THE CLASS AT ALL. PANICS.)

on the other hand, i'm really so glad i'm in usp. everyone there is seriously intelligent, more intelligent than me, i think. contrasts quite a bit with the average nus student (may i assume my course mates to represent the average.)

and, as my tutor says, the cutoff grades for admission to my faculty/school is now lower than for fass (the fabled 'dumping ground' for students who can't make it into any other course in nus, which now i think is SO UNTRUE. it is quite competitive, really). the real dumping ground is ...!

(can't wait for exchange, in that respect)

but, i suppose it's due to two factors. one, the usual straight-A dude/dudette would study med/law/acct/biz/engine/econs. two, the straight-A dude may not be visually/artistically inclined, being the textbook mugger he is (stereotyped, i know).

i wonder if i'm good enough to handle it, though. sigh.

OK BACK TO DRAFTING A 1000-WORD PAPER IN ONE NIGHT. OMG. hating this.

TOP 30 SEMI-FINALISTS

2010-01-22T18:49:00.002+08:00

'BRAND NEW DAY' IS NOW TOP 30! :D

please continue to vote for the song, thank you!

cliff

YOG songwriting competition - please support =)

2010-01-20T11:43:00.002+08:00

my friends and i have composed and arranged two songs as competition entries for the inaugural 2010 Youth Olympic Games :D

they're pretty good tunes (being as objective as possible) and yea, please support us!

especially when quite a lot of the other songs submitted are not up to scratch. like, boring run-of-the-mill mandopop-esque or nursery rhyme melodies that don't fit the words.

vote for 'brand new day' by milieu therapy (you have to ctrl+f to find it) and 'song for a champion' by archidudes!

very simple, just go to this website and vote!

http://singsingapore2010.nyc.sg/

thank you!

*just a quick explanation of the songs:

'brand new day' was conceptualised with the idea of having an ndp-like song. imagine stefanie sun singing at the national stadium, replete with pyrotechnics and dancing. and, the mv will have images of a clear blue sky and a nice large green field (marina barrage?) with nice sunlight, and youths running about and all.

the lyrics talk about one's dream actually coming true. and that one will 'shine in [one's] own way' in the heat of the competition. lots of positivity radiating from the song.

i also tried to break out from the usual, overused intro-verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorusx2 that are 8 bars long for each part. i abridged the 2nd verse (since 2nd verses are usually quite boring) to introduce momentum. i used an uncommon chord throughout the song as well (to colour the song in a more vibrant and compelling shade).

'song for a champion' is a laid-back, heartfelt conversational song that climaxes towards the end. it's soft rock in style, very accessible. the lyrics are simple and meaningful as well. it's about a fellow sportsman-friend who who never fails to help whenever one's in need.

the song is masterfully recorded and produced by a mutual friend :) very clean and professional indie kind of sound.

the lyrics are brought out by the melody with undulations with note value to emphasise important words. such as the keywords 'look' and 'see' in the opening lines.

and, the song's easily reproducible live. possibly a very good thing for stage performances!

sem 2

2010-01-12T22:01:00.002+08:00

i don't know why, i feel extremely stressed now (and school barely started.)

i think it's the song composition contest thingy that's stressing me so much. oh man.

i will be upset if the song doesn't make it through to the semis or finals. geez.

but school's quite fine so far. am looking forward to design/climate responsive. i have good tutors, yay.

not sure how i am going to squeeze in time for all these, i think somehow everything unravels themselves and everything will be fine, i am telling myself that now.

OK. BACK TO GARAGEBAND x_x

book reviews (3)

2010-01-05T10:17:00.004+08:00

i had already read two caravans (or strawberry fields in usa/canada) by the same author prior to this.

both books are social/political commentaries about the author's home country, i guess. the social contexts depicted in both novels are similar: the protagonist is a ukrainian emigrant who lands up in uk, and grapples with, amongst other things, ideological and lifestyle differences with her counterparts who emigrated from the less developed/communistic side of ukraine.

the design of the books are amusingly soviet(?) in style: colours, graphics, alignment(??)

well, i mean, isn't the book cover important. as shallow as it sounds, things like that gives some indication of the substance within.

fluffy things aside, i guess lewycka's style is decidedly 'non-western' (if that is to mean, mainstream american or british) and is flavoured with eastern european. it's exotic, unrestrained, introspective, and real.

very often, the protagonist, nadezhda, would pepper the narrative with side, non-sequitur thoughts, which gives the narration appear more intelligent and thoughtful, or at least display awareness of the self.

what i found not very appealing, though, is the bits of ukrainian tractor history thrown in at various points throughout the novel. i felt it was really hard to draw parallels between the history extract and the happenings in the novel, in spite of the extract being opinionated, something about the author's views about capitalism, technology and the ukrainian government. i'm sure there is a purpose to the (boring) passages, though.

the characters, more often the antagonists, are caricatured. like, valentina is made out to be a fat voluptuous pink fluff ball with too much make up who tries to squander nadezhda's silly dad of all his money. which is similar to vulk from two caravans.

i felt that the novel did not reach a real climax, maybe not in the hollywood (heart-stopping) sense. somehow the conflicts introduced early on in the novel were sorted out gradually. like how nadezhda's dad finally sought for divorce from valentina, and how nadezhda patched up with her sister.

oh, come to think of it, the recollection of vera's childhood as told by nadezhda is memorable and poignant. it's probably the only serious long stretch of prose in the book, and it shed light about the then present, about why the sisters behave as such.

overall, i think the narration style is pretty much the most exciting bit about this novel. unlike the usual(?) novel which tends to summarise the thoughts of the characters, the characters in this novel are kept realistic by the constant insertion of little antics and thoughts.

book reviews (2)

2009-12-31T00:26:00.003+08:00

i read another novel, by judith mcnaught:

it's a slightly cliche-in-a-way sort of book, in the sense that the protagonists had a very typical protagonist kind of history. but it was a really really good read.

*spoiler alert*

but then again, it's cliche enough that you'd have a vague idea of the ending. (perfect, duh.) so go ahead and read on.

julie was a child delinquent turned perfect role model school teacher. as a kid, she was passed around different foster parents as she was too much to handle, but eventually succumbed to the love of a goody-two-shoes family who loved and trusted her so much, and she vowed to only do good, and good was all she was ever since. elementary school teacher, volunteer teacher to improve female literacy etc...

... whereas zachary was thrown out of his rich family for apparently being a criminal, but worked his way to fame and fortune, being a top-notch hollywood director. was an award-winning actor as well.

the descriptions of the two characters are so, uber, unreal, although actually possible. but, i mean, the chance that such a twisted plot could play out involving the two stereotyped characters is so rare, right. but, well, what's a story without characters with defined personalities and backgrounds. romance + action + melodrama + some comedy is always sweet.

the fun part about the book is the non-stop action between zachary and julie. how their hostility toward each other melted down into friendship and then hot passionate love. all through their intelligence (i like their quick-witted exchanges and actions). urm, yea. visual descriptions of the actions going on are always nice.

on a (not much) more analytical note, i guess the book touches upon the emotional torrent a kidnapped person would feel, and how s\he would actually feel attached to his/her kidnapper after a while (if the kidnapper has been adequately nice). i guess it's because the kidnapper might have shown some humane, vulnerable emotional side at a point in time (as in the case of zachary), and that s\he should have kept the kidnapped quite safe, in terms of (a warped sense of) security and hunger management.

but s\he kidnapped, after all! it's a crime, and would you surrender your kidnapper to the police, after s\he has taken care of you.

in a way, i think a good kidnapper is like a poisonous good friend, or good poisonous friend. the kind who has captivated you with his/her effervescent charm, but coerces you to do things you don't really want to do, or things that aren't very good.

oh, i forget. another theme, which is even more overriding than the kidnapping theme, is about trust. unwavering trust is the foremost, er, thing (?) you need in any relationship, friendship, kinship, romantic relationship etc. it's expressed by julie's final foster family, the mathisons, who loved and trusted their daughter so much, a simple affirmation by their daughter is all they need to hear to unconditionally believe (in) her.

trust in friendship, as expressed by zachary's best friend matthew farrell. farrell was absolutely sure zachary hadn't committed the crimes he was accused of, and went all out to help matthew escape and eventually be vindicated.

trust in relationship, as expressed by julie and zachary.

the lack thereof, as expressed by zachary's grandmother, who threw zachary out of the house for ever. hence, the deep hatred zachary felt.

i think, i dunno, at least in the asian context, trust within the family is rather hard to come by? at least in the traditional family, the parents will definitely believe whatever the teacher says (especially the bad?) about their child. i think/i heard the trend has changed to that of, the parents thinking they know better how to deal with their child than the teacher, and trust the child too much, to the extent the child feels empowered to go against the teacher, as his/her parents are sure to side with the child??

i guess, after comparisons with real-life situations, i've (only just) started to think about the cliche but ever relevant issues about trust. how many times have friendships failed because of a breach of trust. or, how much trust should you place in a person? the history and circumstances faced by the characters in the book makes it seem martyr-ish for anyone to trust them.

(maybe for too long i've made myself numb to emotions. ever since february-march this year. but it's a good thing overall for me, i'm not emo-ing during the school term. and i've finally learnt to relish free time without guilt.)

it's a really good thing i've learnt to make less fuss out of other people's shortcomings (generally). i get much less upset when people don't reply to sms-es, or forget to return things etc. you know, all the petty things.

***

on another note, i just read my previous posts. in the end, i didn't buy the green-black-white rj-esque windbreaker/jacket/whatever it is. it didn't feel like 'me' when i wore it. i felt as if i was trying to appear sporty and jock-ish (no relation to rjc or sportsmen) but was so obviously not. moreover, the insides are netting (the coarse kind, found in beachwear which you must wear underwear with else you'll feel uncomfortable).

in the end, i bought this maroon-coloured velvet sweater (very warm and fuzzy feeling on the inside!), which brings my total jacket/sweater collection to 5 (of which 2 are school sweaters, 1 is a -gasp- dad's hand-me-down and 1 is a uniqlo 'parka' which is NOTHING like a real, traditional parka.) as my friend encouraged/persuaded/reasoned for me, it's easy to match maroon, too!

BUT!!! i still have a lingering desire for the green-black-white. strange me. my friend who was with me that day immediately identified it, without prompts, as the 'rj sweater' lol. yea, maybe it is because of that. i don't know?

***

i'll aim to finish my last 2 book reviews before 2010. oh, i'm reading fountainhead by ayn rand right now. so far the beginning one-sixth or maybe one-eighth of the book has been a slight drawl, although intriguing. but, it's such a famous and successful book, i guess i'm scraping the surface of the novel and not digging deep enough to appreciate it.

i may be wrong, but howard roark's design style is based on objectivism, am i right?

hopefully i can finish reading the book before school starts.

OH. and i just splurged $60+ on books just now! on a book about product design, with a 50% discount. also, the tipping point, tuesdays with morrie and a detective novel (sorry for the apparent but not intentional diss) which i randomly selected because i would get one book free for every two bought.

i'm a spendthrift when it comes to books, but i'll reflect on that on this blog another time. need to sleep.

book reviews (1)

2009-12-22T02:33:00.003+08:00

i'm so proud of myself!

in the short span of three-plus weeks, i've read three books :D

which is quite amazing for someone who had an irrational fear of books. that he'll get bored by page 5 but can't put down the book since he had started.

ok, i think it'll be a personal review of the books. i'm a bad lit student so i don't quite understand why the author wrote things in a certain way, i mean of course i know it's for a purpose, but the exact purpose and meaning i don't know.

anyway. book #1:

kafka on the shore by murakami. i'd rate it R(A), quite sexual at parts.

after some google-ing and wiki-ing, i found that the real-life kafka was a czech writer, who's quite famous for page-long sentences in german (grammatically possible) whose meanings are most impactful at the end. also has a surrealist slant to his writings, which is kind of what is discussed in kafka on the shore.

simply, the protagonist, kafka, is a very horny and athletic 15-year-old jap whose dad prophesied he would murder his own father, and then commit incest with his mom and sis (WHAT THE...)

kafka can't stand living with his dad, so one day he left home for ever. and a series of weird, surreal events occur. like, finding the clothes he's wearing soaked with blood all of a sudden, and meeting people in dreams etc.

on the other hand, nakata is a really dim old man but who could talk with cats, so he's a freelance cat finder. his job led him to kafka's dad, who turns out to be *censored spoiler*

blah blah blah, in the end, kafka had to go deep 'within the forest', in all meanings of the phrase, to overcome the prophecy and his mind.

*spoiler* in the end, the prophecy was kind of half-achieved. but to kafka, it was fully achieved, as many of the events only occurred in his imagination and dreams.

and from reviews i've read online, kafka on the shore is like a modern greek tragedy. the part about the prophecy being played out with the characters helpless to react or to change things.

hm, interesting.

but my personal take, urm. i really quite like the characters in the book, you could imagine them easily in an anime. i like kafka's qualities of being really independent and courageous. or maybe that's irrationality in disguise - no, he's really intelligent and takes calculated steps. plus, he's pretty fit too. sounds like an idealised teenager.

but, about the story line. i couldn't make heads or tails about some parts, especially towards the end where spirits meet and all the little lessons kafka learns on the way. it's like, "huh? isn't the whole point as simple as trying to purify the mind or something like that?" evidently, my mind is simple.

the book plays out, in some ways, like miyazaki's spirited away (is this connection too far-fetched?) the protagonists mature along the way, have to face hardships mostly by themselves, and steps back into the real world (in some ways) and continues to live life as normal.

maybe, from the logical/moral/ethical point of view, the book has raised a contentious point: that mere thoughts are as severe as committed actions.

*spoiler* his mere dream (naughty!) of sex with an older acquaintance which he regarded as his sister is deemed to be as serious as the real act.

oh, but, before that he had experienced real events that actually occurred within the mind, so i guess his dream could have been true. (thankfully it had not?)

are crimes committed in dreams really that serious?

if you, say, clubbed a guy in your dream, would you feel remorse after you woke up from the dream?

before i wrote the line above i hand wanted to say, yes, the thought is bad enough. but if you think, do you feel the same about petty crimes?

i guess it's a personal crime, to harbour evil thoughts. but at least no real harm's done, i guess?

***

ok, gotta go sleep. results appearing in 6 freaking hours time!

2009-12-19T03:23:00.002+08:00

the opening is magical! but i think the bridge is quite over the top.

the guitar and the honest quality of the voice are so beautiful.

i like the way the tracks layer over each other to have the stereo effect.

and how the quality of the guitar lends itself so well to the overall sound.

HAPPY

2009-12-19T01:22:00.003+08:00

the hard work is worth it!

i can finally say, i've not wasted my holidays at all!

this is probably the BEST school holiday i ever had so far.

awesomeness :D:D:D:D:D

2009-12-07T00:54:00.002+08:00

a lot of small worries make a sad fellow! besieged from everywhere!

maybe i've committed myself to too many things?

generally am happy. but (relatively) small things niggle at my mind.

sigh...

gripe gripe.

2009-12-04T18:26:00.003+08:00

quite sad :(:(

the $20 green, black and white (hurhur) jacket i eyed at uniqlo yesterday is GONE today!

i had felt bad about splurging $40 on uniqlo yesterday, and an additional $20 on ice skating with studio mates and $18 on the latest budak pantai (a cappella) cd, which i find so-so on initial hearing and very slapstick *ugh*. maybe my impression will change on second hearing.

and now, there's only 3 XL hanging in the ion orchard branch (313@somerset is TOO CROWDED to even try. if you must go there, try camping outside the stall before it opens, i guess.)

from yesterday till today, my mind's still lingering over the pretty colours of the jacket (is it patriotism? but it really is the nicest combination for that jacket.)

***

oh, ion orchard is damn nice from L1 upwards. the ceiling at L4 is AWESOME and the ride on the escalators upwards is just heaven. i like how the ceiling feels so low on the top floor. makes you feel like you're at the top of the world.

orchard central is an explosion of haptic experiences (haha). i like its layout more than the basement levels of ion, but i should add i'm already used to ion after 3-4 walkabouts.

orchard central: very atypical collage of circulation patterns (pardon my inappropriate vocabulary, if it's wrong). outdoor experience (open air balcony, rooftop garden) quite refreshing - to take in the view of the city, albeit not in the most flattering angles due to the not-so-prime prime location at somerset.

i realise the number of shops per level is really low. probably because the site isn't the best. too thin a strip to work out something wider and spacious. the shops are really oddball, kinda. i think it's actually important to carry some heavyweight retailers in order to draw in the crowds. and then, there's the problem of marketing the shopping mall. who's the target audience!? it seems that orchard central is trying to be everything upscale. but, cannot la.

a pity not many people walk about the spaces, because it is quite a good experience.

313@somerset: simple effective layout. some variation with the mezzanine level, i guess. but the draw is really the shops. much better than orchard central in terms of shopping...

***

in other news, i have decided to hothouse myself, doing...

SONG WRITING.

there's lots of money and royalties to be won. and maybe a contract (lol). but i'm a TOTAL noob at this. i have written only FOUR songs, all for MEP.

probably won't get anything, but i'll just take this as a good experience.

and i hear what's been submitted, and they really kinda suck. not that i could do much better, but i think i'll try.

>:)

only problem: they require (what the hell. we just write songs, what) shortlisted entries to be performed LIVE.

and i might, in the slightest possible chance, have to source for instrumentalists and singers.

and because i know nuts about mixing and all, how to add synth and other computer sounds in a live performance???

and, i don't have a professional keyboard. (geez.)

...

so many conditions, sigh.

OH. if anyone would like to have a hand in song writing, i'm more than happy to rope you in!

(the contests deadlines are two weeks from now. so hurry!!)

chilling

2009-12-01T20:31:00.002+08:00

i was in a jam-packed bus on the way home today at about 8pm. it was darker than normal because there were lots of rain clouds hovering. and then, i saw this simply designed poster using [lousy] A4 80gsm cartridge paper (LOL. archi student tsk.) pasted hastily onto the back of the bus door, with three long pieces of masking tape:

***

WANTED

Preferably alive

...

Do NOT make unnecessary contact with him.

***

prior to that i was reading kafka on the shore, and i had just read the part where nakata encountered the sinister cat-catcher, and kafka was alone in the woods.

IMAGINE HOW SPINE-CHILLING IS THAT TO READ THE NOTICE!?

i must be taking singapore's safe environment for granted.

and i was so scaredy cat, that i was jumpy on my way home after i alighted. every person around me could be dangerous, even more so if they walk past me. parked cars which were turning out of the lot could run me over.

... that he may be brought to the police station preferably alive, it means...

shudder!

thankfully firearms are not legalised in singapore, and the asian mentality is oppressive enough to prevent people from committing public massacres.

ok, time to watch jeanette aw :) new drama serial, again another supposed blockbuster of the year. obviously trying to fulfill its real purpose but i'm not sure it'll work out. we'll see how la.

WOOOO END OF EXAMS!!!

2009-11-30T23:05:00.003+08:00

i dunno why i'm online at this time, when i gotta wake up at an unearthly 6am tomorrow to go to school early for exams.

chanced upon this. wow, string chamber medley.

her voice is rather shrill :| but i just love her song arrangements. runs the gamut from big band to jazz to quartet to pop to rock.

exams

2009-11-19T08:58:00.002+08:00

why is the average person under achieving???

people aren't very anxious about their grades or exams, or are fine if they don't do well.

one day, my resolve will be corroded by all these people.

am i hanging out with the wrong people? please, let there be (over)achievers who can push me along.

2009-11-17T23:34:00.003+08:00

i don't want to go to school now.

damn waste of time. first, there's travelling. and then, there's...

need to change study plans and strategies!

(hm. will have to start studying, part rote-learning, for the module on design ideas NOW.)

***

OTHER NEWS: SHE'S TOURING USA AND UK IN 2010 OH MY GAAAAWD!

SOMEBODY ALERT ME SHOULD SHE COME TO SINGAPORE! *drools*

"social contract"

2009-11-15T21:16:00.002+08:00

i find myself in a silly fix i made for myself.

a hell lot of people are asking me to study with them, especially for structural systems (because i made myself out to be a physics-god, when i'm not really one.) and every time i do so, i end up being the free-of-charge tutor and my self-study time is very disrupted! at this rate i can't finish studying for the exams in time.

but, i ought to help friends, right. and i kinda like (most of) their company. and even if i were selfish, i would still help them because it'll be to my benefit that i have more friends, less enemies.

i feel like holing myself in school, but going to school is unavoidable 'cause i need to clear my stuff from studio!

HOW?????????

enjoyment

2009-11-08T19:11:00.003+08:00

things i've done since thursday:

gone out every day to dinner and pubs...

... singing my lungs out...

... getting high on diluted beer (i'm a loser)...

night life in the city is so... refreshingly good. beautiful lights and fun people to hang out with. what have i been missing?

maybe i'm enjoying myself too soon, but i'm loving life :)

excited to be busy this december holidays!!

2009-11-06T13:59:00.003+08:00

i love myself for being a fantastic last-minute worker!

AND, for maintaining a social life in the midst of the bustle. (i'm obviously not working to 100% but i hope it's enough.)

*tired but happy grin* :]

2009-10-27T00:30:00.002+08:00

AND! i must comment!

i'm damn glad my dad lectures at sp! i have a second source of architecture books HAHAHAHA.

ev's UBER RARE when surfaces start to move is a BORROWABLE item there XD *maybe i shouldn't announce this hehe*

too bad i think the selection is slightly less. tried to find stuff for my (EURGH) history essay. can't find much stuff on more detailed subjects.

ok, will travel to bugis to snap (SIGH) more photos for the assignment and hopefully dig up information.

week 11/13!

2009-10-27T00:02:00.003+08:00

TAHAN!!! lol.

nowadays i don't regret sleeping 8 hours a day. don't feel like rushing to complete work. screws up your health real bad.

but every time i get a new set of deadlines i feel it's impossible to be done. and yet, i manage (almost all the time). amazing how i cope with this.

today, i was mentioned for a supposedly good thing in front of the entire batch (OMG.) but it had to be that the photos presented to the world were my inferior ones. why didn't i change the format of the better sketches to jpeg gah. hope my friends don't remember me for bad artistic sense. because i don't think i have a very bad sense of judgement.

some music

2009-10-20T11:25:00.004+08:00

i find the transition not very convincing, although mixing the two songs together is quite nice.

i really like the stage design.

i like the melody and arrangement, even if i don't understand the lyrics one bit, haha.

VERY NICE!!!

the verse is so beautiful.

collaboration with an orchestra!!! wow.

big band! her brother's a very good singer.

***

didn't sleep on sunday night, and endured 6.5 hours of crit haha :P but it's all worth it! suddenly i feel school life is better again, or at least for a short while, heh.

i should spend less time on the design module for now, really. i'm going to die for my other modules. i feel lousy about my too-quickly drawn sketches for submission for another module. but it's supposed to be '5 minute sketches' and so i don't understand how everyone was shading and polishing every one of the so-called sketches. unfair. (and i observed id people draw WAY better than aki people on average.)

the chinese eating house beside fong seng is actually quite good, if more expensive. but it's worth it. the beef noodles are yum, and the milk tea has a mild, sweet taste. went there for 2 or 3 consecutive nights recently :) i love drinking soup.

2009-10-14T21:45:00.001+08:00

maybe music is my real calling.

but this is quite fun too, come to think of it, if frustrating at times when you don't get what you want (in time).

student life.

2009-10-06T23:18:00.003+08:00

i can't write essays to save my life!

i take like, god knows how long just to research. and in the mean time i've confused myself with my own research question and hypothesis.

i just keep thinking, "hm but if i write this, won't this not really answer the question? but to discuss the effects of this and that will take me beyond what i'm capable of doing (probably)... must i compare between the two persons, and write about their significance? although my essay question does not require it? in which case my essay question is not good enough for this assignment?" etc.

to compensate for my retardations, i continue looking for things to lift from books. I probably have enough words to fill my 1000-word essay and more HAHA. have i really found too many quotes...? i just keep thinking, the amount of information i have is not enough, not enough...

never mind all these hiccups, i still have (technically, not taking into account lessons) 2 full days to churn it out.

i'm really really hoping the upcoming workshop (series of work to do for the design module) will take MUCH less time than the previous one. then i can get some rest (ha. who am i trying to kid =p)

and, i will make it a point to run on tuesdays and fridays when i have no classes!!!! shit, ran for just 10minutes x 2 times and my thighs are as sore as if i did a 10km run. tsk.

***

and when i was walking home earlier, i was thinking to myself, i don't feel like a grown up at all. but, i'm already 21! and i had always thought, when i was younger, that people at 21 years old are really mature and can take care of themselves. i guess not. and i'm thinking (fearing?) i'll never be. maybe it'll change after student life ends, i go out to work and live alone (not happening in the near future).

ok, off to print out past year papers.

i want a hiatus

2009-10-01T22:38:00.003+08:00

1. just now my archi batch had a small mooncake festival party, and i tried to sing a duet for a performance.

it was BAD. partly because i'm still down with flu+phlegm so bad that on monday my my range was limited, from lowlowE to lowB (when i can usually reach a G above middleC on normal days). and mostly because i totally suck at singing SIGH. and guess what song i sang (haha). the same song i sang with another group of friends for a birthday party lol. still can screw up.

then, my ex-studio mate had his glorious 4 minutes of fame with his lovely guitar strumming and - i can't remember the song - singing.

i guess the average person can't sing nicely at all. but, i don't want to be just average.

i don't feel very achieving. in fact, very UNDER achieving.

i really think, if i were not under any social pressure to conform and live up to expectations, i would have enrolled in a music college/conservatory/even nafa or lasalle. definitely. not that i hate what i'm doing, but i guess music is my calling but it won't get me anywhere because i'm not talented or hardworking enough for it. i think (visual) design is pretty cool, hence where i am today. but!

to prove to myself i'm not so bad at this, i recorded my voice (singing) on the way home, and the moment i reached home, i turned on this computer and tried to improvise kelvin tan's i love you (which is a translated cover of ozaki yutaka's big hit in the 80s.).

how i wish i could post it up here, but sorry, QC failed.

a voice to kill is high on my covet list. and then, the ability to improvise (actually i could learn myself but i don't know where to start) and composing and arranging and producing. wow.

maybe i can do a postgraduate in music? :) but, is the late-20s too late to start a career in music? not classical music, by the way.

2. i suddenly have a cool idea! i want to go to hong kong for exchange!! the university there is quite good, and i can learn cantonese! (like, how would german be useful to me in my daily life, seriously.) okok, set. i will go learn cantonese during the holidays, at the cantonese clan in singapore (i forgot its name. but it isn't as famous as the hokkien huay kuan here).

3. i desperately need a book detailing how hayao miyazaki created his films. if you do have one, please let me know! it's for my report. (i think i'd better use another designer, for my 2nd choice, in the syllabus for research, to save studying time.)

4. i really don't like it that there is no feedback given about our progress [EDIT: not 'no feedback', but a sense of comparison - how each student's design stack up against each other, and like, if we are way offtrack from the intended learning outcome - OK that had been done before but we're usually confounded.]. this is after six weeks of school. i mean, i guess we can judge for ourselves what we are, but often times we need an objective third party to assess us. especially for art-based subjects. before my music teacher told me i had problems with phrasing and articulating the strong beats, i really had NO idea i was playing things wrong.

5. ok. must sleep. a lot of work that had better be done by the weekend, and -sigh- MUG.

OMG!!!!!! (yi han see this)

2009-09-21T13:06:00.002+08:00

OMG OMG OMG!!!

I WILL BUY AN NDS JUST TO PLAY THIS GAME!!!

STUDIO GHIBLI ANIMATION IS GORGEOUS!!!

AND JOE HISAISHI'S MUSIC IS WOW!!!

oh wait. nds plays 8-bit midi music, right? ):

sigh

2009-09-20T00:55:00.006+08:00

i just read my previous post and realise, i'm really such a b****! karma will get back at me, i'm sure :x ok, will try to think kinder thoughts about other people from now.

i have a LOT of work to do this week, it's SO not a break. but i'm still glad for it, it means i don't have to go without sleep!

anyway, today's a wonderful day! hung out with some ex-jc mates (: their company is really so nice. being pretty honest and quite unrestrained with each other (not that i don't behave as myself with others, but...)

played our (their) favourite arcade games HAHA. ah, we are so funny together.

watched time traveller's wife with them. at first i didn't get the point of the show, as the show didn't seem to have a strong plot (strong conflict) at the start, apart from the protagonist having this (dis)ability. didn't think the ability would be causing so much problems. and, the entire movie is so sad, from beginning to end. my friend BAWLED beside me at the ending - couldn't control the emotions further - and i got slightly alarmed, heh.

but it was really heart-wrenching. i almost cried at the scene when the guy went back in time and met his mom, but couldn't be intimate with mom because mom couldn't recognise the 30+ year old man. then, he had to leave abruptly.

apparently the book is much better than this. but, i don't understand why movie adaptations must stick 95% to the original. this movie is good. although i think slightly more intellectual exploration of the concept of time-space experience (omg architecture is affecting me) and relationships could be nice. nonetheless, it was so touching and not the least bit cliche (although i could guess why he was ******SPOILER****** shot.)

4.5/5!

the oddities of enrollment in...

2009-09-11T00:17:00.002+08:00

... a course which claims to be mentally intensive, and yet! responses to the effect of 'i find this interesting (full stop)' is heard almost invariably after the question of what one thinks has been asked.

i'm starting to have a slightly negative impression of my batch mates! why can't they be more socially responsible, tsk.

in the course of 3 days, the entire 3rd storey got converted into a megalopolis of spray paints, wood blocks and other unwanted remnants of their projects. how can people be so insensitive as to lay their work all over a staircase landing and leave the unwanted sheets of newspaper used to cover the ground for spray painting (which is not allowed)? at the very least, cover the floor adequately so that no paint gets onto the floor, so as to minimise dirtying, right?

and yet, the indecent stains were left there despite nice reminders to clear the mess. which finally got cleared after tutors blew their tops. so dumb, right. and i had thought architects(-to-be) have to be very sensitive towards the surroundings and people, isn't that an important trait.

anyway, today was quite sucky. felt i wasted my time rushing to finish the project, when the final result was abominable. and when i sensed it after the initial materialisation. i feel slightly, errrr.

this is so sour...

and, i wonder why am i so daft, or too intelligent to meet the demands of design. maybe a lot of my friends get it too. it's like, you spend so damn long thinking of the solution to your design, and you brainstormed for so many ideas and you threw most of them away, thinking they are too kitsch or simplistic. and then, some fellow scores a goal with a concept similar to your discarded trash.

and i'm sure most, if not all, of the white lanterns submitted for the lantern design competition will receive low scores there. hello, white in chinese culture means something and you don't know, you ching-chong. (i mean, of course the tutors know, but an overwhelming number of entries were made with white paper. oh gosh. and come to think of it, one of the - literally - expensive lantern sculptures i saw are rectangular coffins. hah.)

which makes my group's one better. but. (OH WELL.)

okays, end of bitchfest. i've so much to do tomorrow, alright till then!

stress stress lol.

2009-09-04T23:37:00.003+08:00

life has been good today, and will be good through sunday (i hope!!!)

to be honest, I HAVEN'T EXERCISED IN 3 FREAKING MONTHS!!! i am sooooo unfit and fatter now i hate this aspect of my life and i want to change it.

i gripe because there is no long block of time to mug for my history, philosophy and physics-related modules.

i think university is a scary time. i'm facing more pressure to perform now than in my jc days. the people here luuurve what they're studying so much!

actually it's less stress (so far) than in jc/secondary school. maybe because i am doing my work without being forced to do so? or that i don't know my grades yet? HAHA. sigh.

which is why i want to study reaaaal hard for my other modules. arrrgh so scary.

2009-08-29T00:56:00.002+08:00

i *think* i can get the hang of things now (: awesome. have to remove the mental walls that restrain creative thinking and bending rules. all i'd like now is a lot more time. like one of my friends just mentioned to me today, you can only pick 2 of 3 S-es in university: sleep, study, or social life.

SO TRUE. i sacrificed study time today for social life. tomorrow i MUST not do that or else i'm screwed come monday. oh geez...

300th post

2009-08-21T13:11:00.002+08:00

i think i understand what is expected of me now. i think? haha.

am quite excited to start moulding those models...

my mind is very blunt nowadays, though. i really don't know why.

last words

2009-08-20T02:14:00.003+08:00

i don't know why i'm blogging at a time like this, maybe i'm taking a break from thinking about design.

it's actually not THAT hard, but i'm just impaired, i think. or that the deadline is ridiculous. i did have lots of mental blocks while doing music compositions (and mind you, those compositions started from scratch, whereas snapping photos require slightly less thought), but i somehow solved them.

actually, i think it IS the time factor. really hothousing us. forcing us to utilise underdeveloped parts of our brain, neglected for the past 21 years - because of environmental condition perhaps - to think about and create design.

it's really fun, honestly. but knowing that you're going to be judged takes some of the fun away.

and, omfg, i've only 8 hours left!? i've like, loads undone. my friends all expressed shock when i mentioned i haven't started a (minor?) assignment yet. this is bad!

however, i think my current photo is a bit better than my first one. most of my friends kind of like the photo YAY. to think that it came from my hdb block!

i think this assignment really makes us re-look many aspects of our physical environment. you can actually see beauty in almost anything, if you look at it for what it is alone, then how it relates to its surroundings. pretty patterns, colours and shapes. the lights and the shadows which shift with time.

i still think hdb blocks aren't very pretty, though. perhaps they'll look better if fewer were around?

overwhelmed

2009-08-13T18:58:00.002+08:00

what is deep thinking?

to the point that your mind is abuzz with words and meanings that keep flowing into each other, that you can't start or stop talking about it. when everything starts to make less sense and you don't know what you are saying. you try to organise them but fail.

and then, you wonder to yourself, is it really that deep? is what you are thinking deep? and are things really that complicated?

then, you wonder if you're too smart, or more correctly, too stupid.

are artsy people really unable to communicate properly with language? or is language really that incomprehensive in describing the things around us?

maybe i need some rest. the workload isn't THAT hard, it's just... overwhelming because...

of the implications if you do not do well for it?

(i can't draw straight lines urgh)

argh! :'(

wow-ness

2009-08-10T01:25:00.003+08:00

i danced in it!

won best float design (for the 1st time). i'm so amazed!

ZOMG!

2009-08-08T19:30:00.000+08:00

we won faculty/club best float design :D

the people who put in half of their holiday time just to do the float have sacrificed much, i'm euphoric that we got a really coveted prize! beat my home faculty (oops) but my home fac did great as well, yea man. the part of the float i was supposed to help design could have been slightly better in my opinion. but everyone thought the temple roof was really cool, that the water bottles placed on the roof was unrecognisable (as water bottles) in the end!

it has been 3 years since i last performed on a public stage. i was strangely very nervous 30 seconds before my entrance onto the stage, with the club onlookers cheering on and on. not as bad as just before my a level practical exam (felt like fainting) but had a quick pulse rate and a blank mind.

and the carpet is actually SO SLIPPERY. geez. i CRASHED into people and couldn't recover from it for 2 counts (upset about that, haha), plus i was near the front row argh.

(ok i'm nodding my head as im typing this...) but i really do feel a bit bad when i couldn't go for some of the pracs and especially helping out with the float. and i could totally understand the emotions of something this massive coming to a closure. a lot of sweat, blood and tears (; so touching haha.

ok i haven't slept since 11am on friday (affecting my concentration on the comp) so i'll update again soon!

2009-08-03T00:02:00.002+08:00

i'm at school now. happened to youtube for fun and i revisited this particular video:

simply amazing to listen at 12am when it's all dark and silent, if you would use earphones.

2009-07-30T17:10:00.001+08:00

how come so many ri boys are adding me as friends on facebook (lol) (yes i know the answer to that)

oh no, i don't recognise all of them lol (bad teacher, bad teacher)

quickie

2009-07-28T23:17:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired

i really enjoy reading books now (wished i had discovered it sooner)

i am going for another camp (yay) in school

i <3 my new friends

i am very tired right now, packing up for the camp (can i stay out so i don't have to pack?)

blame that on my inefficiency

i'm scared of last minute rushes for rag (inevitable)

i need to finish packing everything because i'm leaving house at 7am tomorrow and i want sleep

i don't have many modules to choose freely, however if my bids are successful, i think i could have a 3-day week!

which is amazing, because i'll not breathe for 3 days especially wednesday which i have back-to-back stuff

and i could actually do CCA on weekends and a weekday (occasionally)

ok maybe things aren't as bad as i always like to think (:

but i'm very tired now so bye bye i need to pack!

instances of joy

2009-07-25T11:07:00.002+08:00

TODAY!

IS THE DAY!

I STOP TUTORING 2 OF MY 6 TUITION KIDS!

really, the thought of it is liberating. coaching lazy and supremely unknowing, unintelligent (not elitist, but... oh well. sorry.) people is really too hard. their lack of smarts in the subject is mostly due to their sloth, actually. and they don't know how deep the trouble they are and will be in, if they do want to get good results. ridiculous, ok? jc repeat student - 18 years old, and as you can tell, not thoughtful for his age - STILL failing in some subjects. at least he finally passed mine.

i had tried a couple of ways to get them to move and do work, but they're really too lazy. if i give them work, they don't do it. scold? no use. praise and encourage, also no use.

hello!? this isn't an extra-curricular activity like piano lessons, which you can decide not to take seriously because it does not have direct bearing on your studies. their mindset is all wrong, and i alone cannot effect good change onto them.

never mind all that. i'll FINALLY receive payment from ALL of my kids this week. it's about time - h1n1 be damned. since end-june i have subsisted on bank savings and the occasional trickle of cash flow from a student who pays per lesson. that trickle is not enough if you travel and eat out nearly every day. [comment: travelling this month is a real-life financial horror story.]

tsk, i'm full of negative energy...

happier stuff: matriculated yesterday, and i really really really really want to join some CCAs! decided not to be a spendthrift and continue using the macbook i already have (thanks to a certain person for knocking sense into me. if we're not [Auto]CAD-ing in first year why get a brand new notebook/macbook?). it's starting to get slower during start ups and surfing the internet, though.

slightly upsetting stuff (life's full of these): i have 2 conflicting dinner parties on the same day! s***, i didn't realise it until yesterday, when the invite for a obviously-once-ever 25th anniversary dinner appeared in my mail. thing is, i had expressed interest in this event, hence the invite (and seats are very limited), but i'd rather go for the other dinner because it's with so many good new friends i just made! maybe i'll try to go for BOTH, somehow, as crazy as it may sound.

positive mindset, please!

my life really isn't that bad now, if i don't think about the money i've used, and compare mine with others...

i can't wait to...

2009-07-21T22:05:00.002+08:00

1. finally settle down on a fixed schedule, and not worry what is to happen the next day.

2. solve my little money problems (actually it's not very small, but finances aren't tight as of now. long-term problems will be pressing.)

3. end all orientations, because i feel a bit bad when i can't attend most of them and become a hi-bye friend to most ):

simply put, more money, more time! HAIZ. why am i in this state all of a sudden?

M.I.A

2009-07-21T00:00:00.013+08:00

i want to go into hiding now!!!!

how come university orientation/administration procedures take forever?

letters and emails come in dribs and drabs, from different people. meetings scattered throughout the past month.

everyone's trying to pull me in. but i really can't commit myself to all of them.

first, it's orientation camps. now, it's o-week. in the midst of my tutoring and relief teaching and gatherings. i want to die already la! i HATE travelling this frequently. need at least 1 place where i can settle down with a peace of mind, every day. apart from home, that is.

maybe i now understand what ge0rge had commented to me, when i mentioned i wanted to try as much as possible during university.

plan: just go for what's important to me! must reduce tuition immediately! read up more about architecture and absorb nice ideas!

but, i really want to try other stuff... like how my friend in medicine got a module in MUSIC CONDUCTING (special request), hopefully i can manipulate my modules as best as i can.

too many things to achieve in a short time, don't know how to do that...

EUREKA

2009-07-18T21:05:00.002+08:00

i just thought about something as i watched this video:

i want to be a music producer/arranger! no more singer daydreams (too old and ugly).

to be creative, to have (some) individual say in the final product, to shape regional/global trends. wow, isn't this amazing?

bad english

2009-07-17T20:21:00.002+08:00

i'm nowhere as proficient as my peers in languages - i'm nearly as prone to language errors and clumsiness as the average junior college student.

however, at the expense of possibly sounding atas, i affirm the following is not well-written:

XXX Fair is an annual event whereby students officially become students of XXX! XXX Fair is an exciting event whereby freshmen can get to watch Videos depicting university life, win attractive prizes, and stop by their faculty booths to purchase past year papers that has proven to be very effective! Students can also experience firsthand the vibrancy of the university through this important annual event. There're more than 100 student activity clubs joining XXX Fair each year, bringing out the campus life and vibrancy. This event is the only place where you get to experience the vibrancy and fun XXX life all in one place and It's all happening at [XXX venue]. Inject fun and laughter into your university life, come up and join us, many exciting and fun booths await you! Many prizes and freebies to be given away! Cya there at XXX X! How could you start off your XXX life without the first big step with us?

1. 'students officially become students' - confusing, when that word is used interchangeably with 'freshmen'.

2. you can't join a fair.

3. repetitions of 'XXX fair', 'whereby', 'vibrancy', 'place' and 'many' abound. within one sentence of each other.

4. come TO the fair

5. no capitalisation of nouns, such as 'Videos', occur in the english language.

6. which people do the word 'us' refer to?

i'm slightly uncomfortable with events referred to as a place, although it does make some sense.

sigh. things like this make me wish...

***

i don't have the habit of reading, because i hate the risk of picking up a bad book, and because the first 10 minutes of reading a bad or average book isn't as gratifying as 10 minutes of computer games.

i bought a few books by literary giants, but couldn't digest them for too long.

i just finished reading my sister's keeper by jodi picoult, a book recommended by a friend. it's so well written and gripping, i finished it in a week. anyone with half a heart will be emotionally affected throughout the book; fantastic melodrama which isn't far-fetched, something local scriptwriters can learn from.

really, local scriptwriters (tsk, mediacorp) should go expose themselves to better stories. give undergraduate scholarships for scriptwriting and acting, too. locally-produced dramas are engaging but typical nowadays. come to think of it, both the local programmes' audio and subtitle languages are pretty good.

anyway, the book. i just LOVE imperfect characters with deep thoughts and emotions, fleshed out in simple yet powerful prose. the first-person narrative was used throughout, which allowed the inner thoughts to be exposed. the story is interestingly broken up into small sub-chapters, each narrated (unwittingly?) by one of the main characters.

i also liked how each chapter (each chapter is a day in the story) is preceded by a quote, which adds to the graveness of the series of unfortunate events.

i'm probably going to buy her other books, when i've the time to read more fiction. should really start reading course-related books now.

oh, the ending of lucretius' sensation and sex was just alright. finished reading it a few weeks back already.

need private time

2009-07-13T22:21:00.002+08:00

i think i've not been functioning at 100% for at least a good 6-7 months.

i've been in a daze, i can't field conversations (not that i've been good at it before) as easily, my current schedule is really jam-packed, non-stop working, driving lessons (I JUST BLOODY FAILED MY FIRST TEST TODAY BECAUSE OF A PEDESTRIAN AND A U-TURN $%^&%^ WASTE MY $160!!!!!! 2 IMMEDIATE FAILURES I'M SO DUMB GAAAAAH. PISSED THAT I SPENT $160 ON NOTHING.) or meeting up with other people for important matters (such as catching up after a long while and 21st birthdays).

really, what i want now is to stay home for a week. and get all of my lost money back.

some things are draining me more than they are helping me.

i'm alright if i have to work from 8am to 8pm, really (as long as the work is not a bore nor too stressful). but i really need my rest.

oh, i finally bought lady gaga's album at $11.90 (singapore version). it's pretty well arranged.

pain in the ass

2009-07-11T23:43:00.003+08:00

i've a small cyst-like thing on my left butt T_T

i've no idea what it is. was thinking it could be acne (EW ACNE ON BUTT) so i'll be waiting to burst it once and for all.

in the meantime i need to endure slight pain when i sit down...

office whisper

2009-07-10T11:50:00.004+08:00

*i'm in the office now. it is very silent here, more silent than usual, because most are away from their desks, either having lessons or eating lunch i suppose.

i don't really think blogging during office hours is an offence, is it really? honestly i've absolutely nothing to do. just completed my last task for the day. so blogging and surfing the net now really does not lower my work productivity.

anyways. been meeting some very nice kids (paternal instincts at 21 years old? i don't want to change nappies. haha). let loose my temper, finally. but the ensuing silence didn't last for long as i really can't be angry at a class which has a couple of nice boys (amongst the less mature ones).

sidetrack: but i think many of my peers HAVE thought about their long term future, with regards to their family life. pretty scary to think about that, because i don't feel like an adult, yet.

the daily things constantly remind you about that. that you're still on life support from your parents. you're still schooling and not yet working. your parents' attitude towards you has changed little since ns. they still nag when you come home late.

the shocking revelation that you're still getting skinnier or fleshier in the wrong areas when you see your naked body in the mirror, and you wish you had more time and determination to correct that. you spend your free time blogging, facebook-ing, playing video games instead of reading the economist or the straits times [i really just don't have an interest for most hard news around the world. that's sad.].

so, it's really true, that being an adult is just being more responsible. which honestly speaking, i was and still am. maybe my development isn't as extreme as others. but i know i've changed (ever so slightly between stages) from primary school to secondary, junior college, army, and now.

also chatted with an unlikely teacher, unlikely because she's never taught me before but somehow recognises me for being part of her memorable 2004 batch. she's really quite nice, we were chatting about that troubled guy in my sec 4 class, and she felt he might not have been in the correct environment to nurture him the right way. and that there are many of such people in the world (gay/lesbian, not psychotics) but are normal in all ways and they're just human. so we should respect and treat all of them normally (well, the fact that he harrassed us probably did change the way everyone around him treat lbgts).

that teacher was the one who boiled all those tea eggs for the entire cohort (orders from the venerable mdm wei). poor teacher, under mdm wei, but she felt she had learnt much during those 2 years. haha. so that's really nice.

my schedule has been turned upside down because of certain recent events, including camps, work and h1n1. so much that i put aside my university administrative work for so long that i would have missed the deadline for the submission of my tuition fee loan, had a friend not unintentionally reminded me when he talked about what had happened to him in the previous few days. Geez.*

get away!

2009-07-05T19:25:00.003+08:00

i dislike:

self-righteous people who give zero consideration to others' opinions

people who aren't close to me and (almost always) start conversations by talking about themselves

people who ask the same questions repeatedly (3 times or more) in 1 meeting (very low retention rate)

people who assume that they're forever on good terms with me and take me for granted

pesky people

***

interestingly, university people are really nice people :)

***

people, money and time give me too much stress... argh.

inadvertent

2009-07-05T03:19:00.003+08:00

i slept at 3+am last night and woke up at 7.30am today. and i have not slept yet until now!

and i'm still somewhat awake! amazing. wow.

i'm beginning to adapt myself to my future sleep pattern, without even trying to!

***

found out many hours ago an nsf officer just died from an accident. he was from the bmt company next to mine, so he was under some of my friends. i don't know him, by the way.

can you imagine, a life, with a soul brimming with the desire to be freed from 2 years of being shackled, with aspirations and dreams and the expectation of living til 80 years, smattered in a mere hour.

what was he thinking during the last moments.

his family. loved ones. his friends. his dreams, perhaps. struggling to live for everything.

the third death of someone somewhat related to me that has affected me personally (mj's not included). all in less than a year.

it's totally unfair! he's too young, and have many people who knew him.

i wish the grieving the strength to carry on and come to terms with their loss...

extrapolating

2009-07-05T00:49:00.002+08:00

i'm in the midst of an acute rash of gatherings and social things.

so much that i want to selectively declare sick! lol. no not for rag ('an-ewe-ess' rag), not for gatherings, but for certain other things...

i want to post a pic of the new jazz shoes (HAHA) that i bought just for rag.

anyway, about social things. i've seen quite a couple of people my age, dressed to the nines. with nice pretty evening dresses and office wear, for the girls. and long sleeved shirts and expensive watches and polished sharp-ended shoes and cufflinks for the guys. standing around while puffing a cigarette and joking away.

and then, i watched their mannerisms.

OH NO I CAN IMAGINE OURSELVES TWENTY YEARS FROM NOW.

when we turn middle-aged (gasp) and are more affluent and take to wearing office wear instead of preppy/casual shorts and a (polo?) tee. and some of us pick up smoking. others who have a bad sense of humour will continue to do so.

and we joke about stupid and lame, army lingo-inspired, business or family-related things.

and then, as we mingle around ourselves, and laugh and bare yellowed teeth, and teenagers look at us with astound [i think that's ungrammatical, is it?]

WAH LAU THEY ALL SO UNCLE/AUNTIE!!!!

will i grow up to be at least dignified, if not cool and accepted wholesomely by every one of all age groups?

from what i am now. i'll probably be this meek "friend's dad" who asks his kids' friends nosey questions like "oooh, how are you? what cca are you in? how is *insert kids' names* in class ah?"

OBASAN!

and then, in the presence of other friends, does foolish, silly things to make every one laugh.

CHILDISH!

i can't imagine myself as a 40 year old. although i realise time has been running VERY FAST since 2008. maybe because i've been doing more things that i like starting from that year.

what am i doing now

2009-06-30T10:46:00.002+08:00

for the past couple of weeks i've been slowly digesting lucretius' de rerum natura, which translates into on the nature of things. for some reason penguin publishing repackaged an english translation of the poem (6 volumes in all) as sensation and sex

geez.

anyway, there's some rather smart scientific deductions in the book, made by pure logical reasoning and basic observations. he had predicted brownian motion way before it was truly discovered (wow).

but some of it is, to me, fallacious. maybe i'm skeptical because many of his deductions are false, but he began many arguments with rather unsound assumptions. his discussion on the mind, body and spirit and how they work is laughable. mainly because he did not have the scientific tools or knowledge to infer such complex things.

sample:

the same reasoning proves that mind and spirit are both composed of matter. we see them propelling the limbs, rousing the body from sleep, changing the expression of the face and guiding and steering the whole man - activities that all clearly involve touch, as touch in turn involves matter. how then can we deny their material nature?

but i concede that the above was at least, based on observations so he's not irrational.

another one:

my next task will be to demonstrate to you what sort of matter it is of which this mind is composed and how it was formed. first i affirm that it is of very fine texture and composed of exceptionally minute particles. if you will mark my words, you will be able to infer this from the following facts. it is evident that nothing happens as quickly as the mind represents and sketches the happening to itself. therefore the mind sets itself in motion more swiftly than any of those things whose substance is visible to our eyes. but what is so mobile must consist of exceptionally minute and spherical atoms, so that it can be set going by a slight push.

actually a lot of the deductions are coloured with fascinating, albeit untrue, poetic language.

now for the fact that the eyes avoid bright objects and refuse to gaze at them. the sun, indeed, actually blinds them if you persist in directing them towards it. the reason is that its force is immense and the films [lucretius' idea of the surface particles which are emanated from an object] it gives off travel with great momentum through a great depth of pure air and hit the eyes hard, so as to disrupt their atomic structure. besides, a bright light that is painful often scorches the eyes, because it contains many particles of fire whose infiltration sets them smarting.

ok, that was a bad quote for 'poetic language' =.= but, yeap. very tainted with roman mythology and beliefs. which i suppose, must have been normal and logical for its time.

or maybe we're living in a world that's too logical, too scientific, too exact to appreciate the beauty of the unknown, that we dismiss anything unscientific as untruths.

hm, i haven't finished reading the book yet, actually. i'm at part iv, i think. his discussion on what causes us to sense is rather accurate. and the exciting part about sex (i suppose it's exciting? haha. tsk, the publishers decided to rename the poem for a reason, right.) is up ahead.

FUMING MAD but luckily it's over

2009-06-30T03:13:00.004+08:00

while waiting for my hair to dry by fan, i shall do a quick blog post here.

OMG DON'T GO TO CDC UNLESS YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE YOU HAVE H1N1!!!

the waiting time there is RIDICULOUS!

i spent a grand total of EIGHT HOURS there!? 6pm to 2+am roughly. considering that i kind of managed to rush the personnel to complete my procedures faster (there were a lot of people there who ended up sleeping on the seats when i left - luckily they were very comfortable seats - they must be hapless or indifferent to their own fates [the latter.] )

my goodness.

ok, if you want details, feel free to contact me...

[ed: i had already typed a full length tirade against youknowwhat, but i decided that it wasn't nice nor appropriate. especially when there were quite a few really nice nurses helped make my stay there better.]

quarantined part 2

2009-06-28T11:51:00.002+08:00

i've not done anything very useful yet. was thinking of seeing the doctor but i've procrastinated. thanks partly to friends asking me online about my situation lol.

today, i plan to draw and draw and draw. and maybe i should compose or play the piano once i get inspiration.

quarantined till wednesday only YAY! i *might* be able to retain my relief teaching post. i hope what i'm down with now is not h1n1. i've no fever yet, just slightly heaty - temperature's not above 37.0 degrees. but i feel my eyes burn when i close them, and have that slight disoriented feeling when i shake my head. my nose's slightly blocked - that's normal for me - but the mucus is thicker than usual. hrm.

my body has been holding up pretty well, i think. i've lemon juice, orange peel honey, homemade chrysanthemum tea, green bean water, plain water, and vitamin c pills to thank (:

i hope to complete a couple of sketches by the end of my quarantine. thats only 3.5 more days geez.

i went to a friend's birthday party last week, and was simply BLOWN AWAY by his mom's paintings. she even won a prize for one of them. oil on canvas. simply marvelous. especially the ones she hung around the house. you would have thought that the paintings were bought. really life-like. for example, the painting of a house and a tree overlooking a body of water - the reflections on the water was drawn so stunningly well!

and from what i gathered from my chat with her, she's not really formally trained in it.

omg.

if i could relive my life, i would have joined a sports cca, and practice music and art so damn hard...

... then maybe i won't have the engineering/mugger face!

quarantined.

2009-06-27T22:20:00.003+08:00

maybe this is an effect of quarantine...

I HAVE CRAVINGS FOR ALL THINGS SAVORY!

ham, cheese, sio bak, steak, fried chicken, oily fish, chocolate, DARK CHOCOLATE, fish crackers, DURIAN, fried sotong, tang yuan, TAIWAN PINEAPPLE TART, FRAPPE, cookies, chocolate cake...

my appearance has changed quite a lot since my secondary school/jc days, i realise. in secondary school i was quite thin. in j1/j2 put on a little more fat (because of eating two servings of food at every break time - ri's kampung istimewa and defeathered chicken yumyum too bad they're not there anymore) but still very slender. then came army and cookhouse aunties who pour you extra large servings of food over zealously. that's when i started becoming rather fleshy. i blame the sispec cookhouses for serving good food. comparable to the best-est mixed rice stalls at hawker centres.

then i decided that i was too fat and finally started toning my body in bunk during my return to bmt. since i could help myself to the food, i controlled my diet (although food at rocky hill is rather good. not as good as sispec, but still quite decent). went down 3-4 kgs! was very lean by the time i ord-ed. at that time i was running almost every day. was really quite thin at that time. but i could not beas thin as i was after bmt field camp. woah i want that body back! legs were at its thinnest then!

now, due to many gatherings and birthday parties, my health has taken a turn for the worse ): i'm now around 61kg (that's a decent weight) BUT i have extra flesh all around me! if i don't do anything about it my love handles shall be large and rotund. and i'll have larger moobs and bearish tummy. not the care bear sort which is round and firm, but the sagging kind where you will get a belt-like crease where your pants are normally worn and all the excesses overflow from that point up.

AND MY IPPT WINDOW IS OPEN!

shall look in the fridge for anything good. after this post...

today's my 3rd day of quarantine. quite well spent, generally. i just cleared my room. i'm going to really whack drawing drawing and more drawing from now. and photoshop (ugh. the dread of beginning to learn something.)

need to find a way to return my library books while still being at home.

trying not to think about the money lost in tuition now...

i think i need to find a replacement tutor for some of the students soon. expecting to drop at least half of them by beginning of august. that's in 1 month's time. takers, anyone?

ok wait, i must get food now... seriously. i've been told that you should eat the most at breakfast and least at dinner, so i just eat about 3/4 rice bowl of rice. and just enough sides for the rice. then, i will invariably get hungry at 11pm onwards. another hunger pang is at 1am. and then, sports people say dinner shouldn't be too light because the body will go on for half a day's length without food. 7pm to 7am, wow that's a long time. and these people have no qualms about eating supper. so which is correct? i believe knowing the correct answer is the secret to keeping my fats off.

...

yum, i've eaten another persimmon. it's one of my most favourite fruits. the texture is so wonderful, there's crunchy bits yet juicy and gooey!

food. why can't i be slim and eat a lot? sigh.

eventful day

2009-06-26T22:39:00.006+08:00

1. i'm confined until next friday. damn that guy who didn't declare he went to butter factory and still went for the school camp with a sore throat to boot.

we should start culling more animals. because animals have given us avian, civet, bovine, and now swine flu.

2. my circles of friends are so many that i miss some of my friends at any point in time lol. haiyo.

3. lastly...

以毒攻毒

2009-06-26T02:08:00.000+08:00

shriek shriek

2009-06-26T01:15:00.000+08:00

time

2009-06-25T10:59:00.002+08:00

i've got relief teaching and tuition and rag and camps to do O_O and then, there's the driving test and more university matters.

no time to slack! :(

nus

2009-06-20T00:28:00.003+08:00

i think i'll suffer during the following weeks leading up to august 8th. but it's been fun so far! the people are very friendly and genuine. but dancing is DAMN HARD! the learning curve is extremely steep for me, who has ZERO dance experience! no no no, it's not simple line dancing, line dancing i can follow without problems.

demi, pointe, demi, bend! demi, pointe, demi, bend!...

*commands after commands of formal dance terms in french*

the company is really nice la. it's a bit like when i first joined chorale in nov 05, yes, the super-early intake before jc even started, but different. hm. maybe it's because i already know a lot of friends, then the effect on yourself when you get to know more friends is slightly different than when you knew fewer friends and added new friends. (er did i make sense?) something like the effect of adding a drop of dye into a glass of water compared to adding the drop into a pail of water. or maybe because everyone there is busy so we don't see each other regularly enough.

a pretty good start to university!

I AM DAMN BUSY!

2009-06-15T22:57:00.003+08:00

i have something on my schedule nearly every day!

it's rather overwhelming, as i had expected to slack like nobody's business till august...

on a happier note, i got more tuition boys now. teeheehee.

*paedophilic snigger*

^.^

...

($).($)

^_^"

i'll have to find a way to drop them or refer them to another tutor, though. let's see, i can try to combine a few of them together to form a small class of 2-3. i have 1 jc1 kid at clementi, and 2 sec 1 boys of rather different standards. ok jc1 will eventually have to go. will drop the exasperating sec 1 one, too.

if i can manage that, i can actually finance myself through university! (ok, discount the fact that most of my bank savings are the remainder of my school pocket money and extra cash my mom banks in for me just in case.)

so, if i can actually do that, i could, technically, rent an apartment and pay for all my food and utility bills WHILE studying. eh no wait, no no no, cannot! unless i got many people to share an apartment with.

rental: ~$400/month for 1 room, ~$1000/month for a 3/4 room flat.

if you can find 8 people to share an old 4 room flat, which is bigger than the new ones, that's only $125/month per person. not too shabby. maybe you can even hire a maid at another $500/month, which makes it an additional $62.50/month.

if a few of the other 8 people are working adults or students enrolled in slacker courses, better still. free house keeping and grocery services. and if you can find an apartment near your school, you can probably cycle to and fro, saving on transport costs.

not a bad idea, right?

my eventful day in three acts

2009-06-14T18:57:00.006+08:00

act 1: assertion

student comes for tuition on a saturday morning. cliff had found out from the student's parent that the student had lied to him.

cliff: did you go out on thursday?

student: no...

cliff: so why did you tell me you had to cancel thursday's tuition?

student: ... because i have not finished my essay...

cliff: (immediately, very angrily) so, you LIED TO ME!? HUH!?

cliff's parent in backstage: huh?

cliff's parents rush out and appear on stage, thinking that cliff screamed for help. they reach the site and see cliff and student in a meltdown, rather, cliff melting the student with a flaming torch.

student remains still, eyes visibly red.

cliff remains angry but is secretly happy because he knows a lesson is taught.

cliff: (softens but still sounding strict) firstly, understand that i'm trying to help you improve here. i know of people my age who are going back to polytechnic to study. why? because they did not study when they were your age. and they say they regret not studying then. maybe you don't understand it now because you are still young...

cliff: secondly, you lied.

student remains a straight face but eyes are still red.

[ed: MUAHAHA]

act 2: egoism

the characters are seated in a lecture theatre for an admission day brief, not knowing what was to happen in the ensuing minutes.

a large, bumbling male walks to the front of the room and talks.

...

top scorer: I don't like boring designs... adding a lot of trees to your design does not make it green... buildings and Architecture are different, buildings are boring, Architecture is living, constantly changing... and I say Architecture with a capital A... don't look at zaha hadid's designs and be dazzled by its beauty...

top scorer: I went into iluma and didn't like the insides... the escalator is a waste of resources... when I went to the third floor and stepped outside, looked at the surroundings... I saw some construction workers welding metal and the sparks' light was reflected off iluma's plates, the white plates for marquees... now that's Architecture...

top scorer: ... it is not like studying, studying is just reading and memorising. I don't care if you're from RJ, or hwa chong, it doesn't mean you can do well... you must think... you will learn concepts like horizontality and verticality... when the tutors argue amongst themselves, while you are presenting your design, that's good... passion is not enough... I don't you if you understand what I'm saying...

top scorer: (looks at clock) oh, I've only spoken for 20 minutes, there's still 10 minutes left for Me...

the rest of the audience seems to be transfixed on the 105kg bagpipe, while cliff is writhing away on his chair, fidgeting and hoping the subsequent speaker starts earlier.

friend: (scribbles note and passes to cliff)

i hope we don't become like him >.<

cliff: yea (rolls eyes)

...

top scorer: I've come to the end. any questions for Me?

cliff: (loud enough for people around him to hear) so, when's the camp?

audible chuckles sprout around cliff

[ed: much of the quotes are paraphrased, owing to my inability to remember exact quotes]

act 3: fun!

cliff and friends help decorate a function room for a friend's birthday :) this is cliff's first time decorating a party venue.

during the party, cliff listens to a conversation.

friend: what is usp...

another friend: usp is like gep...

cliff eats two full plates of food, three bowls of honeydew milk, three small pieces of brownie and pie, and a large chunk of birthday cake, with the cream removed. he feels he under performed (number of plates of food eaten), partly because he was tired and dehydrated, and mostly because he had a queasy stomach and had to use the toilet twice during the party.

***

comments on yesterday:

hopefully that student will be hardworking, because i honestly think he needs a lot of help. i don't remember my peers nor i being anything like him... we'll see how it goes, i guess. i'll have to push the car alone until it reaches the end of the road...

and, what the heck is that dude thinking? was that an episode of the (name of top scorer)'s show?

actually, i understood nearly every thing he said, those concepts and his conscious stream of Himself. they (the concepts) do make sense. and that he kept on talking about being able to think in that philosophical-conceptual-architectural (oops, small caps) way, i'm sure one of the toughest parts of the course must be to be able to do that. ok, that were the useful bits of the oratory.

but, if he's supposed to shed light about the discipline and how to do well in it, why did he include himself in the discursion? but i suppose he should be reasonably accepted amongst his peers else he wouldn't have been asked to speak (and i spotted him joking with other people after his juggernaut of an introductory talk). so he could be a nice person in private who hides a deeply entrenched egoistical self, which springs out when the opportunity arises.

shouldn't people, regardless of their backgrounds, try to communicate as effectively as possible? have an objective for talking, why are you saying these. and have some humility, please.

and! why single out top jcs, huh? is everyone from there arrogant? i see an arrogant dude with a case of sour grapes, i think.

i've great expectations to fulfill, i guess! haha!

since then, well that's only yesterday, i have started to consider alternative pathways for longer than a few moments. i think, if i flunk out of architecture school, i'll enroll myself in mech engine (out of necessity to get a job one day), physics (and one day teach my favourite academic subject) or try damn hard to go to an overseas music college (and become a pop/jazz/rock/whatever i like singer/songwriter/musician like wong lee hom or corrinne may. or just busk or teach in the day and play at pubs at night).

ok, i'll prepare an application to yong siew toh now. haha XD

hrm. i'll help out with rag and flag for usc, many of the seniors and batchmates there are really friendly, homely and down-to-earth... how different from...

if what one of the seniors say about how the different disciplines do mould people into the stereotypes and what one of my friend says about design students become more 'seh' are true...

i'm very sure it's true, i've experienced something like that before last year, when i realised i had to change the way i handled some things. but, i hope i don't change for the worse...

gee gee gee gee baby baby baby

2009-06-10T18:55:00.002+08:00

what is wrong with me? i'm playing this on loop!

the song very catchy, right? i really like the beginning. the dreamy saccharine-sweet instrumentation, and the melody is very memorable...

it dawned upon me

2009-06-04T22:28:00.003+08:00

today i went down to the university for a short information session.

i only saw one friend there! ONLY ONE.

where did all my other friends go to? mainly law, medicine, or overseas. (ok, i exaggerate slightly.)

being the super-worrywort i am, i wonder: am i in a rut? not being elitist, but, ya??

lol. during a small group qna, when i replied that i was enrolled in architecture, i could sense the people around me raised their eyebrows slightly (literally and figuratively). architecture very big meh. sekali i fall out, i mean, drop out.

i think, if i DO drop out, i'll practise my piano damn hard and earn a hard living being a bar/pub/lounge pianist and giving tuition (HAHAHA).

actually, that sounds like a nice life. yea, go performing at pubs. it's very tiring but it's fun! and you are free during the daylight (that's invaluable).

21-year-old boy-man

2009-06-03T22:49:00.003+08:00

thanks all who wished me and bought me presents :) i honestly love every single one of them. hope i didn't present too-hard a challenge in buying something suitable for me haha (i had my share of experience in present-buying, too.)

something amusing: i got an exact same gift twice haha :P luckily it's not a book or a cd ('this is the one'? HAHA. i recall jeff bought me a cd during his trip to china 2 years back, which i already owned. i gave it away lol!)

this coming-of-age thing didn't strike me, until an ri student greeted me with 'sir' on facebook.

ARGH. i'm of age!?

I AM A MAN!

MAN!

geez. what a mould to fill. i mean! i AM one, but being referred to as a 'man' has a connotation of being an alpha male, which i'm sadly not quite one (yet?)

so, i have always thought of myself as a boy. maybe that's why i find it really really fun to chit-chat with (*er hem!* ONLY SMART) students. makes me feel youthful.

sigh! damn, there's only 2 months left to enjoy time. actually, about a month plus. if i remove the time spent on work and upcoming orientation camps. so, what have i done thus far? (oops.)

AIMS FOR JUNE 2009:

1. kick start my exercising again
2. crash course myself on photoshop cs4
3. play through my new piano books :D and pick up some pop and rnb acoompaniment for improvisation from there.
4. draw and sketch anything with my new pens and pencils (thanks!!)
5. read my new architecture books (thanks guys!)
6. buy new clothes for university. i'm a MAN now so i must buy MANLY clothes ok! harhar.

oh ya, should ask around if there's any good fully written jazz music books i can learn from. figured out i should just learn by playing from scores, then just improvising on my own. since i learned basic pop improvisation (left hand broken chords, having a ear for chord progressions) that way :) save my money on piano lessons.

colourful

2009-05-31T13:18:00.003+08:00

stumbled into these on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inGjsUbeBFI&feature=related

money politics

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYCESMtk86M&feature=related

ok, this one is a more compelling argument.

should read the comments on the video. very emotionally charged.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cMjK8KXjuM&feature=related

very inflammatory, but there's some truth in the midst.

(yay, i can actually understand most of what he's saying despite my lousy mandarin and having little knowledge of malaysian politics.)

oh, and you notice? he can speak FIVE FREAKING LANUAGES AND DIALECTS! wowowow. that's how multilingual malaysian chinese are...

omg this is amazing

2009-05-30T00:16:00.002+08:00

please check this out.

OMG DID YOU SEE IT? she looks absolutely stunning.

and she has totally NO plastic surgery (as stated clearly in her personal blog). more proof: she looks a lot like her mom, who's very gorgeous (for her age) too.

i'm like, totally fawning over the pics! haha. if i ever see her in the flesh i'll totally squeal.

ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!!!

OH OH! I MUST GO TO KINOKUNIYA AND FIND THE MAGAZINE WITH THESE PICS!!

speaking of kino, i stumbled upon 2 amazing finds there!

1. studio ghibli selected music, in piano score!
2. utada hikaru piano score!!!!!!!!!!! from her first three albums + 'colors'

it cost me almost $90 in total but it was totally worth the money. (the studio ghibli one is damn expensive. 53 bucks!!)

damn fun to play the scores la. especially utada hikaru's one because her songs then were r&b, so some of the rhythms are quite challenging to sight read. like, lots of rotations from quavers, dotted quavers, semiquavers and their equivalent rests. yayyy. just that it's too bad the scores were arranged for voice + piano accompaniment. then, cannot hear the melody on the piano (and a lot of right hand is just chords... boo).

this week has been totally exhausting. but quite fun la. haha.

behind time

2009-05-26T11:25:00.002+08:00

i just started reading 'outliers' by malcolm gladwell - i bought the book many months back but didn't start on it till yesterday. initially had wanted to force myself to finish reading all the other books i bought earlier, but the other books were heavier readings, too heavy for my simple mind to comprehend immediately.

anyway. gladwell writes early on in the book that successful people had at least 10,000 hours of work on what they were to be good at, before they became good at it. thinking about that, that must be reason why i'm not a genius at something yet!

ok, let's so some simplified calculations on our daily life, just to see if we can fall within the category of 'geniuses' yet. let's take, hm, our experience in mathematics for example.

nursery, kindergarten: 0.5 hour/day * 3 school years (40 weeks) = 300 hours (i only counted weekdays)

primary school: 1 hour/day * 6 years + revision for exams = 1200 + est. 100 = 1300 hours.

secondary school: i remember i had 7 1-hour periods of A and E maths every 2 weeks, so that will be 7 * 18 pairs of weeks (because term 4 is only 8 weeks long) * 4 years = 504 hours.

add all that time doing homework and revising for exams, that will be an extra 2 hours per week (homework) and 2 hours per day for 3 weeks leading up to the O levels = 2 * 36 * 4 + 2 * 21 = 330 hours.

junior college: 5 (is it?) periods per week. 2 lectures 3 tutorials right? so that's 5 * 30 weeks (because there's holidays and whatnot all over the place) * 2 = 300 hours.

add the extra time doing work and revising on your own. maybe 3 hours a week? and mugging for promos, prelims and a levels - 2 hours a day for 3 weeks for each exam. it works out to be 3 * 30 * 2 + 2 * 7 * 3 * 3 = 180 + 126 = 306 hours.

add all the other times which you did simple maths in every day life. that could be as little as 10 minutes per week, but let's count it anyway. 1/6 * 52 * 10 (you were too pampered to count for yourself when you were 9 years old, so let's make it 10 years of counting) = approx. 87 hours.

That's like, only 3,127 hours of work! geez. no wonder the average person fails maths, because he wouldn't even have 3000 hours of practice by 21 years old (skipped classes, didn't do work).

and the average junior college graduate would be very far from excellence. only 3000+ hours!?

ok, let me use myself as an example, and calculate the amount of time i spent playing the piano.

i started since 6 years old (that's considered late), so. roughly 0.5 hours/week on piano lessons for 3 years. 0.75 hours/week for the next 3 years. and 1 hour/week for 5 years (sec 1-4 + J2) = 0.5 * 52 * 3 + 0.75 * 52 * 3 + 1 * 52 * 5 = 195 + 260 = a measly 455 hours.

add the random times which i practised (that isn't a lot, since i'm such a lazy person). that could be anything between 0.5 hours a week to 3 hours a week. let's take the average, shall we. 1.5 hours * 15 years (i'm 21 soon, yay.) = 1,170 hours.

a-ha. source of problem. i'm far from the magical 10,000 hours. i have only accumulated 1,625 hours of hard work.

lol. never mind, it's ok to be mediocre-good. tsk, no excuses for not working!

hm, come to think of it. i MUST start drawing now. if i can put in 5 hours a day for the next 2 months, that will be 5 * 60 = 300 hours. that it is a concentrated amount of time and it's when i'm 21 not 4 years old (ie. learning curve should be faster), its effects should be better than if it were spread out through the years. meaning, that 300 hours could be much more than its apparent worth.

ok, so i'll start drawing soon!

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!

2009-05-25T00:30:00.002+08:00

HAHA I GOT A COPY!

that gives me the right to do an album review, but later. i need to sleep to digest all that food.

good night!

and, seriously, i'm touched by the stuff all of you people bought me. very meaningful stuff... *heart melts like butter into toast*

why, why.

2009-05-21T21:46:00.002+08:00

why am i more passionate in slacking than pursuing anything. haha.

people my age, and whom i know, are already achieving big things - they're enrolled in top universities around the world, active in social causes, making waves in the arts scene and even appeared on tv programmes which featured themselves.

is it too late to start being spectacular? i remember being rather close friends with a classmate, now an up-and-coming composer. he was already composing piano pieces (and letting me hear them over the phone on many occasions) by the age of, i think 9 or 10. at that age i was still hooked on reading goosebumps and playing starcraft -______-

it's very hard to overcome the inertia before i can try to be awesome. i mean, there's so much pressure to produce something that can be considered 'wow' than if you are an eight-year-old. people are more forgiving if you're young.

depending on what it is to be achieved, i guess? corrinne may pursued her postgrad degree in composition after graduating from nus with a bachelors in english (with blessings from nac, how cool). many an american idol contestant finally realised their dreams at their late-20s. and if you're talking about being a great (office) worker, i guess that can be worked on with time.

it's partially an egoistic thing, i guess, to be great. to make people stare at awe, or to brighten someone's day. it's the feeling you get when you know you're not dispensable, that you matter to someone or some thing. that you're living a purposeful life.

why does knowing your self-worth make you happy? is it the knowing that you're somehow in control of your own life (and others) and thus your happiness? we are all despotic in some way, then.

even more cool

2009-05-19T11:50:00.005+08:00

i spent most of yesterday playing this.

another of my childhood computer games. i must be one of the few people my age who actually played these sort of games, since they were already quite dated when i was old enough to play them - about 10 years since they were released.

i was, like, 4-8 years old when i played all these ms-dos games. digger, alley cat, zeliard (above). not bad, even a young kid can play these games. was a compulsive gamer on the ms-dos computer and super nintendo system (and later, starcraft on pc). lol.

quite good leh. zeliard is a pretty solid rpg, at least to me. 8 stages of labyrinths, items to buy. simple and straight forward gameplay and plot - unlike today's games which are so complicated they intimidate me.

and all within 1MB. oh, the days when the floppy disk was the main medium of memory storage and distribution.

why i should be kept away from computers...

2009-05-13T20:45:00.004+08:00

OMG IT'S SO DAMN ADDICTIVE!

MY CHILDHOOD GAME!

i slept at 1am last night trying to reach stage 5! and it seems, my directional keys and f1 key occasionally get jammed during the game (macbook keyboard is lousy?!)

and i used to play egg breaker on facebook for more than 30 days consecutively. i would play it even if i came home at 11pm, because i would lose hammers to use if i didn't play it for consecutive days (clever ploy by the game designer). i'm so glad i decided not to play anymore after not getting the map prize anymore since my first.

imagine what would happen to me if i were to play anything more addictive?

i don't need to sleep already! so, nobody should EVER recommend me any computer game. ever! D:

i need to do something PRODUCTIVE. without the computer! heh.

ho suar! ho! ho! ho! ho!...

2009-05-11T21:06:00.001+08:00

this is so cute!

2009-05-10T19:07:00.001+08:00

statistical research

2009-05-08T09:45:00.002+08:00

i am bored. rather, i was bored just now on a rainy friday morning. was supposed to exercise but i think i'll do that later.

anyway, i decided to categorise my facebook contacts into where i first met them/know them better. exceptions are choir people, i didn't group (most of) them under 'school' categories but 'choir' instead.

my findings:

a few are still unclassified because they're (mostly) friends' friends
10% of friends were from my secondary school choir
10% of friends were from my junior college choir (note that some friends straddle between both sec sch and jc choirs)
10% from primary school
20% from secondary school
13% from junior college

AND!

A WHOPPING 35% FROM NATIONAL SERVICE!

that's like, more than a third of my friends!?

no wonder i have so many facebook contacts, for someone who's quite low profile in school!

now, assuming that my primary school/junior college/jc choir friends consist of an even mix of guys and girls, i would have...

WHAT!?

81.5% OF MY CONTACTS ARE MALE!

ONLY 16.5% OF MY CONTACTS ARE FEMALE!

(that leaves an undecided 2%)

...

ok, because of double counting between my sec sch and jc choir, i'm sure the percentage of guys on my list should be less.

so maybe, 70/30? ( if i add the undecided 2% into the female category - a sad attempt to boost numbers.)

there is gender imbalance in my contacts!

i wonder if this is the case for people who completed NS and were from boys' schools?