good.

i decided to put the tag board back on. and the fields where you input your name and tag is miraculously resurrected. good...

ah, i'm oddly emo now. mr toh was illuminating today, kind of echoed deep sentiments within many people. and i did mention something about it in an earlier post, about being in a so-called elite school, what it means to not get first place (coming from the academically best school, that's horrific-sounding to some). and about doing the best you can to make the best music possible, rather than comparing unfairly and ranking choirs.

it seems some parts of the school culture HAS changed. i'm hearing a lot of mini motivational pep talks often during morning assemblies. the atmosphere is apparently much warmer, you get consolatory words every time a competing cca group does not come in 1st. or it could be because i'm experiencing it from an alumnus's point of view.

the students themselves, as individuals, i'm not so sure they have changed a lot? i don't know. but from what i hear, they have.

not that change is necessarily bad. there's no way you can retain something for ever, especially not attitudes; the school is not (really) isolated from the general society.

like what many have said in the past week, the important thing is to just do your best :)

should an 'elite' school be defined by its achievements i.e. results? or the kind of culture which influences its students. the positive enthusiasm, to be humane, do persevere and be earnest in doing your best for yourself, people and society which you belong and which mean something to you.

it seems that for a long time, it was the former. we're now coming to realise what is more important in life!

it's really true, and real. i quote: 'singapore's too small for more than one best/first'. at least, in the eyes of singaporeans. and many singaporeans are still scrambling to be the first or best in something. myself included, i guess...

i mean, isn't that what we should aspire to be! like, oh i want to be the next superstar, or top scorer, or star player, or... it gives us the direction and is a strong and definite goal to work towards.

but it's SO UNREAL. i guess, being in an 'elite' school can make you have a warped idea about how the world is like. you think the world is in your hands, you are a superior being.

i always think to myself, i really dislike those people in the army who don't put their rank into good use. sad to say, i observed this myself NOT in my co, ssm, oc or even csm, BUT IN FELLOW NSFS. imposing high standards upon recruits without being upright yourself, or issuing impossible demands just to stir trouble, then go back to bunk, slack, then wait till the correct moment to catch their wrongdoings. oh, so you think you're so damn good. ha! when you book out in your civilian clothes you're at the mercy of the general public which casts a knowing eye on irresponsible behaviour, and service personnel who treat you less-than-politely. we're all under the mercy of each other, inevitably. and i don't know why people just don't see this and instead have a pompous attitude about themselves.

i'm glad no one that i know of who knows me more than just my face and name thinks of me as snotty (i hope?). even friends from other jcs, polys or secondary schools (yay).

i mean, it's quite normal to form judgements in your head as you go about doing anything, like meeting up with people and all that. like, 'this guy doesn't sound very intelligent' when you start chatting with this stranger. but just push away your pre-mature perceptions and observe and interact with others again with some humility. he's no less deserving of respect than you are. (unless he pissed you off for a rational-enough reason, of course.)

and i think, i've somehow come to forget to appreciate efforts and think of the surface value of results? i don't know how that came about me. hm.

AND i hope i'm not throwing the school into any negative light :\ so far everything on the whole IS still great.